Poop Jokes

Poop: Please don't push. It's already tight in here! Poop to Pee: May I go first? Meanwhile, Fart pushing everyone to the sides.. Fart: Excuse me! Excuse me! I need to go!

What did one poop say to the other poop?

You smell

Why do bears poop in the woods?

So nobody will see their bare (bear) bottom!

What did the poop say to the pee when he was hitting on her?

I may be a two but your an eight..

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What did the Baskin-Robbins manager say to the employee that wanted to date a co-worker?

Don't poop where you scoop.

Why couldn't the poop get flushed down the drain?

Because it was deterred.

What did Captain Picard call his poop?

Captain's log

What does a witch take when she can't poop?

Hexlax

What did Noah do with all the poop?

Threw it overboard. it formed the UK. Taken from here:

Who's there? Orange. Orange who?

Orange you glad I painfully waited until I was done cooking your food to take a poop?

How bad is it to poop your pants?

It Depends

What do you give and take at the same time?

a poop

What's the difference between a bucket of poop and a lawyer?

A bucket.

Where were you supposed to poop?

2-year-old: The potty. Me: So why didn't you 2: I'm too busy.

How do you guys tweet from the toilet?

I poop with both hands.

What do you call a notebook where you record information about your poops?

Some people may call it a log journal, while others call it a diary-a.

How do you fail a urine test with a clean sample?

Poop in the specimen cup.

What is a small, one story home made of poop called?

A dungalow

What do you call it when your Stepmother poops?

A Step-Stool

What's brown and rhymes with poop?

Snoop Dogg

What is it called when a hacker poops?

Logging out

What does Hulk say when he poops?

IBM!

What's the first rule here, boys?

Kid:Don't poop your pants M:I was gonna say "have fun" but...OK.

When you say you don't feel good "Are you pregnant?

people without kids "Do you have to poop " -people with kids

What do you call a sarcastic man who steps in poop?

Feces-tious

What do you call a poop that went to med school?

Dookie Howser

What do you say when a singer/songwriter poops on your car?

CELINE WUT R U DION

What if I have to poop?

D: Then you should go now. *awkward pause* "Thanks I feel better."

What does poop have in common with the Boston Rioters?

They're both revolting! *Baltimore. I clearly don't know my B-Cities.

When a seeing eye dog poops, who cleans it up?

This is the kind of stuff that makes my head hurt.

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Articulette

How many polaks does it take to kidnap a child?

A: 12. One to kidnap the child and the remaining 11 to write a ransom letter.

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How do mathematicians cure constipation?

They work it out with a pencil.

How did the mathematician solve his constipation problems?

The same way he solved all other problems: He worked it out with a pencil and paper.

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Why did the kid cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

How to legalize animal poaching ?

Drop a kid in their zoo enclosure.

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What was the last thing Beethoven accomplished?

Decomposing

Why is Thors bother so secretive?

Because he tries to keep things Loki...

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Why are calculators grey and boring?

Cause it's what's on the inside that counts! EDIT: it was a joke guys:(

How do you make a door cry?

You twist its knob. edit: grammar

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Why would you put a baby in a blender feet first?

So you can make dinner and get head at the same time.

Why did the late man stand on the clock?

He wanted to be on time.

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How will an IT guy fix a lamp?

He'll restart the nuclear power plant

What's does America and programming have in common?

When you fix one problem, 38 more problems pop up.

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What do you get when Steve Jobs hires and fires a lot of people in six months?

A: An Apple turnover.

Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only six months?

Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only six months? Because on the box it said From 2 to 4 years.