Australian Jokes

At an Australian parliament meeting, two guys were shouting back and forth and one said: "I am a country member!" and the other said: "Oh, I remember!"

What Australian city has the most cats?

Purrth.

What do you call an Australian singer who was born in Australia?

Aussie Aus-born.

What do Australian terrorists say before attacking?

Uluruakbar

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

How do you call sons of australians and germans?

Men at Work

What did the Australian Chess player say to the waiter?

Cheque, mate!

How many Australians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they all turn them the the wrong way.

What do you call a dead Australian Wrestler?

Stone Cold Steve Irwin

How does an Australian shave?

Rise up lights

What did the Australian grandmaster say to the banker, when asked what he wanted to exchange?

Check, mate!

What do you call the king of the jungle in the land down under?

Australian. Yes I know lions aren't jungle animals, but as per common nomenclature etc etc yadda yadda raspberry :)

What do you call a blind Australian Crocodile?

Q: What do you call a blind Australian Crocodile? A: Crocodile Dunsee

How does an Australian clean is bum?

Bidet, mate.

What did the Australian say when he won a game of chess?

Cheers, mate.

Why do so many Australian men experience premature ejeculation?

Because they cant wait to get out and tell all their friends about scoring.

What's the difference between a French kiss and an Australian kiss?

They are basically the same except you do an Australian kiss down under.

What do Australians use for sun burns?

Aloe, mate. I'm sorry

What do you call a thug Australian mammal?

a gang-aroo

How do you know whether or not a redditor is Australian?

They'll tell you.

Why can't Australians play chess?

They keep saying check, mate.

What's an Australian's favorite element?

Gold

Why did the kangaroo love the little Australian bear?

Because the bear had many fine koala-ties!

What do you call a smart Australian?

A New Zealander

What's an Australian Kiss?

A French kiss down under ;) *first post here, a coworker of mine told me the joke. Go easy :)*

Why do Australians take forever to play chess?

Because they never make it past the first check, mate.

What's an Australian Kiss?

It's like a French kiss, but down under.

What did the Australian say to the hawk?

Good eye!

What do you call a display of Australian patriotism?

Stockholm Syndrome.

What is the ghost of an Australians favourite dessert?

Boo-meringue

How do Australians sleep?

With their heads at the foot of the bed.

What does an Australian witch ride on?

A broomerang!

What does an Australian chemist call is bro?

Bromate Sorry, just studying my poly atomic ions and thought I was clever. I thought wrong

How does an Australian call his friend from the Czech Republic?

Czechmate

Why do Australians always win 4D chess?

Double check, mate

What's the worst thing about...?

getting your keys locked in your car outside an abortion clinic Having to go in to ask for a coat hanger. *Yet another Australian pub joke*

This joke may have profanity.

Why do Australians have a well balanced walk?

They've a chip on both shoulders

What do Australians call upside down cake?

Cake.

How did the Australian make the Olympics?

He koala-fied!!!!! Buh-duh-tss

What did the Australian say to the two people fighting over bread?

It's stalemate

What do you call an aminoacid glued to an Australian?

A glutamate.

What method does the Australian god use to part the Red Sea?

Oz Moses.

What does an Australian use instaed of toilet paper?

Bidet, mate.

How do you order a bill in Australian restaurant?

Cheque, mate! --- Maybe not the funniest buy posting because: My. My own. My precious...

What did the Australian chess player say to the waiter when he finished his meal?

Check, mate.

What do Australian emos use to cut their wrists?

Rise up lights

What is one thing that both Australians &amp Americans share the same view on?

1961

Why did the Australian pirate refuse lunch?

Because he had Somalia.

What do you call an Australian who's prejudiced against grains?

A riceist. (It sounds better when you say it aloud)

How many Australians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they all turn them the the wrong way.

You might also enjoy:

French Jokes More French Jokes

Which French novelist looked like a scrotum?

Balzac

What is the favorite scientific unit of the French?

RPM ( Revolutions Per Minute )

Discriminate Jokes More Discriminate Jokes

What do you call a black guy who discriminates against white people?

A racist you racist.

What do you call someone who discriminates you for your oral hygiene?

A dent*ist*.

Australia Jokes More Australia Jokes

How do you write poop in Australia?

dood

What do space-related scientists call themselves in Australia?

Austronomers

8 Jokes More 8 Jokes

Why don't jokes in base 8 work?

Because 7 10 11

What do you call a pack of 8 Timbits?

A Timbyte

Shoulder Jokes More Shoulder Jokes

Why did the leper return to the shower?

He forgot his head and shoulders.

What's that terribly ugly thing on your shoulders?

Harry: Help! What is it Fred: Your head!

8 10 Cat Jokes More 8 10 Cat Jokes

Why do black cats never shave ?

Because 8 out of 10 cats prefer whiskas !

What is Australian cuisine called?

Prison food

Rice Jokes More Rice Jokes

What does Supertramp do after buying rice?

They take the long-grain home.

What does Asian Matthew Mcconaughey want for dinner?

All rice, all rice, all rice

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What is the difference between a midget politician and syphilis?

One is a cunning runt.

What's the difference between a bucket of blended dead baby and a bucket of sand?

I can't gargle sand.