One Jokes

What's the difference between a Zippo and a hippo?

Ones really heavy, and the other's a little lighter!

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What's the difference between a magic show and a brothel?

Ones a cunning array of stunts. . .

What did the doctor say to the parents of an ugly baby?

I charge five dollars if its a boy and five dollars if its a girl. Lets just say this ones on the house.

Why doesn't Mexico have a good Olympic team?

Because all the ones that can run, jump and swim are already in America.

Whats the difference between a smart midget and a venereal disease?

Ones a cunning runt...

What are the best kinds of speedbumps?

Orphan shaped ones.

What does a condom have in common with a coffin?

Ones for coming and ones for going.

Why do all Asian kids get straight A's?

Because the ones that don't are never heard from again. I'll be here all day folks.

Whats the difference between congress and parliament?

Ones filled with a bunch of baboons and the other just doesn't give a hoot during the day.

What's the difference between Gordon Ramsey and a run in the forest?

Ones a pant in the country the others a...

Which eggs are the best for Easter?

Empty ones ( )

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

How do you tell who the extroverted engineers are?

They're the ones who look at YOUR shoes when they talk to you.

Why do we have Martin Luther King Jr. Day off?

So the black people will not be the only ones skipping school.

What kind of woman are the most irrational?

The ones with the golden proportions!

What is your funniest joke about the French?

Mine is this: How do you pick out the Frenchmen in a room full of naked soldiers? They're the ones with sunburned armpits.

How can you tell which Russian olympic spectators are actually KGB agents?

The ones with food.

Whats the difference between man united and a clown?

ones a complete laughing stock and the other ones a clown.

What are the sickest rock layers?

The ones with diabases.

What kind of triangle jokes can never be made right?

Ones with an obtuse angle.

Whats the difference between a woman and a dog?

Put them both in the trunk of your car, drive around the block, and see which ones happy to see you afterwards.

Why doesn't Mexico have a team in the summer Olympics?

Because all the ones who can run, jump or swim are ready in the US.

How are black people like Christmas lights?

Half of them don't work and the ones that do aren't that bright

Why does Mexico rarely wins medals at the olympic games?

All the ones who can run/swim/jump already made it to America.

Why hasn't Mexico got an Olympic team?

Because the ones who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S

What's the do a girlfriend and an ice cream cone have in common?

The ones that are hot don't last as long

What is the difference between a flea bitten dog and a bored visitor ?

Ones going to itch and the other is itching to go !

How do you pick Dolly Parton's Kids out of a crowd?

They're the ones with stretch marks around their lips.

Why y'all checkin' me?

Ur the ones with a pot leaf on your flag!!"

What kind of donuts did Bob Marley prefer?

The ones with Jam in

What do you call a couple of ones and zeros orbiting around each other?

Binary stars.

Whats the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian?

Ones a snack cracker and ones a crack snacker!

How can you spot a racist in a crowd?

They're the ones shouting "Black Lives Matter!"

What's the difference between a police baton and a magic wand?

Ones used for cunning stunts.

How can you recognize a Gnome Pig?

They're the ones with the little red hats.

What's the difference between a lesbian and a Ritz cracker?

Ones a snack cracker and the others a crack snacker.

Which ones?

Wife: BLTOUR & E Me: Well, that could spell trouble

How do you tell the difference between a Sunni and a Shiite Muslim?

The Sunni's are the ones with the Shiite blown out of them.

What letters are not in the alphabet?

The ones in the mail of course!

How do you recognize a blonde in school?

A: They are the only ones who erase their notebook when the teacher erases the board.

Which people do the burgers hate?

The ones who are always putting the bite on them!

Whats the difference between the psychiatrists and the patients at a mental hospital?

The patients are the ones who eventually get better and get to go home.

What is the difference between reindeer and caribou?

Reindeer are the ones that fly.

Why are so many Koreans named Park?

Because the ones named Drive all died in crashes.

What's the difference between Italy and a tea bag?

Ones in a cup

How can you tell Sofia Vergara's children on the playground?

They're the ones with stretch marks on their lips.

What does Brown Santa say?

Gifts only for little girls with A's, B's and C's because the other ones already have the D's."

What's the difference between a psychiatrist and his patients at the mental hospital?

The patients are the ones that get better and get to go home.

What's an easy way on /r/jokes to find feminism jokes?

Just look for ones that have a "JOKE:" disclaimer

How many Avengers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. Ant-Man and Wasp are the only ones small enough to fit inside a lightbulb.

What's the difference between Oscar the grouch and a grouch at the Oscars?

Ones green and the other is black

How many Avengers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. Ant-Man and Wasp are the only ones small enough to fit inside a lightbulb.

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Come Jokes More Come Jokes

Why was the boy unhappy to win the prize for the best costume at the Halloween party?

Because he just came to pick up his little sister.

What did Norman Bates call his little sister?

You know you see it coming...) A: Psycho-sis! (I won't let the doorknob hit me on the way out..)

Slow Jokes More Slow Jokes

Which rappers had a flow that could simultaneously speed up and slow down at the same time?

MC Escher

What do you get if you cross a vampire with a snail?

I don't know but it would slow him down.

Try Jokes More Try Jokes

What do you call 4 Mexicans trying to cross a river?

Quatro-cinco

What do you call a potato that's reluctant to try new things?

A Hesi-tater

Deliver Jokes More Deliver Jokes

Why is a reflection always twice as good as the real thing?

i actually don't know where to post this idea, true jokes maybe?... There has to be a food for thought sub. This is your OP, I promise to deliver!

What's the difference between OP and a Pregnant woman?

She delivers.

Buddhist Jokes More Buddhist Jokes

Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners of the monastery?

Because they have no attachments.

What do you get if you cross a Buddhist monk and a 16 year old blonde cheerleader?

Arrested for procurement of a minor. Trust me on this one.

Lawyer Jokes More Lawyer Jokes

When a hot blonde walks in. The one lawyer says, "Man, wouldn't you like to screw that?

and the other lawyer replies, "Outta what "

What does a sperm cell have in common with a lawyer?

Both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.

Link Jokes More Link Jokes

What was the ancient language Link needed a book to translate in "A Link to the Past"?

Hyruleglyphics.

What is Link's favorite hotel?

Hyaaaaatt!

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

Where do you find the Bible in a library?

Fiction".

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

Look for fresh prints.