Tear Jokes

Who's there? Dave. Dave who?

Dave promptly burst into tears as not everyone in the world knew Dave.

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What Happens when the Cubs win the World Series?

They Leave a Trail of Tears

What costs you a fortune and leaves you in tears a year and a half later?

Not cancer, but my relationship that just ended today!

What did Eric Clapton do after he wrote Tears in Heaven?

Threw his baby out the window.

How does it feel to have your head separated from your body?

It tears your apart.

Why does salt melt snow?

Because when your salty you melt down in tears.

What's the difference between a baby and baby Alien?

One bursts into tears. The other bursts out of tears

What does Reddit and Dating have in common?

It wastes your time and you walk away with either tears or a slight chuckle.

What's one thing the Hulk would struggle tearing down?

The fourth wall

What did the ancient Greek mother say when her sons toga got torn?

Euripides, Eumenides

Why did the tear testify in court?

Because he was an eye wetness.

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What do you give someone who is about to tear up?

Tape

Why was the Trail of Tears so hard on the Native Americans?

It's not easy to hike a trail when you're always falling down drunk.

What starts out happy but ends in tears?

Marriage

Why was the Berlin Wall torn down?

It didn't match with the Iron Curtains.

What's the best part about showering with a 5 year-old?

The water washes away her tears

Why was the sacajawea coin made?

because the Trail Of Tears had a toll booth.

What does a gift and a black man have in common?

White children get immense joy after tearing one open

What's wrong with Andrew Jackson?

He had an Underground Rail Road too, called the Trail of Tears.

Why didn't the bear from the revenant win the Oscar?

Because it would've torn Leo up to receive another Oscar loss

Who will I share the sunset with now?

sobs* Friend: Bad breakup Me: No. *wipes tears* My Instagram isn't working.

Why are we running so fast?

asked one. "Because" said the second "it says 'tear along the dotted line'!"

What's the difference between a wealthy man wearing a tux and riding a bike and a hobo in torn jeans and shirt riding a unicycle?

Attire.

How the rap feud started Me: can u invite all the rappers to my b'day party?

2pac: sure, no biggie Biggieeavesdropping: wipes tears

What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet?

A holy terror.

Why did the lawyer with a torn ACL still win the marathon?

OC) Because he had the power of a torn knee

What's the difference between CrossFit and a cult?

A torn ACL

What did the ocean said to the river when they parted ways ?

Nothing, he was just full of tears

Why did the man tear a page out of the calendar?

He wanted to take a month off.

Why do they say "break a leg !" to actors ?

If you said "tear an ACL !" to a star athlete, you'd be shot on the spot.

Why are dogs always SENSITIVE?

Because they have tears in their eyes

Why is fruit so expensive?

I want some raspberries, not the tears of Jesus.

What do you call a tear in the American flag?

An old glory hole.

How does Steve Irwin open a lock made of tears?

With a "Cry-key!"

My older brother always tore the last pages of my comic books, and never told me why.

I had to draw my own conclusions.

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Throw Jokes More Throw Jokes

What do you throw to a drowning banjo player?

His mandolin.

Why was the belt thrown in jail?

A: He held up a pair of pants.

End Jokes More End Jokes

Why did the photon stop drinking after traveling 670 million miles?

because Happy Hour ended.

Why did the cellphone go to court?

Because it was charged with battery.

Cancer Jokes More Cancer Jokes

How did the hour and minute hands of the clock get cancer?

Second hand smoking! My own joke that I've been meaning to put up for a while. Time to see how it goes haha.

What did the deaf, dumb, blind, amputee kid get for Christmas?

Cancer.

Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

What's red and sits in a corner?

A baby with razorblade. What's red and green and sits in a corner The same baby 3 weeks later.

What did the Russian woman say to her violent husband?

Vladislav, baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.

Feel Jokes More Feel Jokes

What's the normal amount of hair to mail someone?

I feel like this is a lot of hair I'm mailing to someone

When are you going to learn to drive?

I don't think they feel very safe in my taxi.

Trail Jokes More Trail Jokes

What Happens when the Cubs win the World Series?

They Leave a Trail of Tears

What do you call a thief that leaves a trail?

A crummy thief!

Relationship Jokes More Relationship Jokes

What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?

A. Telling you his real name.

Why don't some couples go to the gym?

Because some relationships don't work out.

Window Jokes More Window Jokes

Why is there no Windows 6 or Windows 9?

Windows 6 got scared because Windows 7 8 9

What is the best evidence that Microsoft has a monopoly?

Santa Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows.