Buddhist Jokes

How many buddhists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they enlighten themselves.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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Coffee Mug

How do Buddhist monks send emails?

They remove all attachments.

What did the Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?

Make me one with everything

What does a redneck Buddhist believe in?

Reintarnation.

Why can't Buddhists vacuum in corners?

Because they don't have attachments!

Why shouldn't you burn scented candles inside of a Buddhist shrine?

Because doing so would be incense-itive!

What's a Buddhist's favorite physics law?

Om's Law.

What is an omelette?

A small Buddhist.

How many buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Three - one to change it, one to not-change it and one to both change-and not-change it.

Why did the Buddhist monk refuse Novocain?

Because he wanted to transcend dental medication.

What do you get if you cross a Buddhist monk and a 16 year old blonde cheerleader?

Arrested for procurement of a minor. Trust me on this one.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
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Coffee Mug

Why don't Buddhists have Instagram?

They don't believe in the concept of a selfie.

Why don't many buddhists work in the railroad industry?

they have too many ohms to be good conductors.

What did the Buddhist say when asked if he'd like to move from Tibet to North Korea?

Nah. I'ma stay.

What does a Buddhist order from a hotdogs vendor?

One with everything

What do you call a violent Buddhist?

A Zero.

What did the blonde Buddhist say when she finished her 88th prayer?

I literally chant even..."

What do Buddhist monks have for breakfast?

Ommm' lettes!

What did one Buddhist Master give to the child for his birthday?

Nothing wrapped in Emptiness. How did the birthday child respond? You are thoughtless for giving me this meaningless gift. To which the Buddhist Master replied, "Thank you."

What did the Buddhist get for Christmas?

Presence.

Why can't Buddhists vacuum under the couch?

Because they have no attachments.

What is the difference between a sociopath and a buddhist?

A sociopath sees people as things a buddhist sees things as people.

What do you call a Mexican Buddhist?

Om-bre

Why couldn't the Buddhist monk send his mother a birthday card via email?

He had no attachments.

How much resistance can a Buddhist monk endure?

Ohmmmmmm............

Why do buddhist make bad vacuum salesman?

They can't deal with attachments.

What does the sign at a nudist Buddhist beach say?

No Bhikkhunis(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bhikkhuni) allowed.

Why did the Buddhist refuse Novocaine?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Why do Buddhist monks have such sour faces?

Because they're acetic.

How do Buddhist monks compare interests?

With zen diagrams!

Why did the buddhist refuse novocaine when he went to get a tooth pulled?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Why did the Buddhist photographer fail at taking pictures?

Bad cam'ra

Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners of the monastery?

Because they have no attachments.

What type of gum does a Buddhist perfer?

Enlightenmint! More Gum Jokes!

What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist with a Jehovah's Witness?

knock knock knock... excuse me sir, but do you have a few minutes to discuss nothing

Why do Buddhists always buy 1 ply toilet paper?

Because they like to get in touch with their inner self.

Why didn't the Buddhist monk vacuum under his couch?

He had no attachments.

What does a Buddhist monk say when ordering a subway sandwich?

Make me one with everything*

How many Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?

None, the changes necessary will come from within.

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How do you milk a sheep and make a profit?

Remove the audio jack

Why did Heisenberg remove the speedometer from his car?

So he would stop getting lost everything he checked it.

Respond Jokes More Respond Jokes

Where is children?

Latvian man respond "Children is dead from childbirth." Bus leave.

How did NBC respond to someone who criticized their broadcasting?

I ( ) can't ( ) understand ( ) your accent ( ).

Child Jokes More Child Jokes

How do mathematicians scold their children?

If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times ..."

Why do Baptists have so many children?

They only use holy condoms.

Birthday Jokes More Birthday Jokes

What is one thing you always get on your birthday?

Older

Who's there ! Alligator ! Alligator who ?

Alligator for her birthday was a card !

Vacuum Jokes More Vacuum Jokes

Why roboticize vacuuming?

It's all instant gratification. It's the crack of cleaning.

What do you call someone who cleans vacuums?

A vacuum cleaner.

People Jokes More People Jokes

What do you call a group of people in charge of renewable energy for a town?

A solar panel.

What do you call a room with no walls?

A mushroom. Some people don't think that this is a joke. But it makes me rofl all over the place.

Believe Jokes More Believe Jokes

Why did the girl walk past her crush twice?

He didn't believe in love at first sight.

What's believing in evolution?

Apetheism

Send Jokes More Send Jokes

What song did Russia send Ukraine for its birthday?

Crimea a river

What do Romulans and Vulcans do with their high school drop outs?

Send them to barber school.