Robot Jokes

What do you call a #robot stranded in the ocean?

A row bot.

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Why don't robots have brothers?

Because they all have trans-sisters

What do you call it when two robots miscommunicate?

A syntax error.

How do I turn my new girlfriend on?

She's a robot and the instructions are in Chinese.

What does a robot do after a one night stand?

He nuts and bolts

Where do Robots go for fun?

The Circuits! (this is a joke i made up when i was like 10, i don't think it ever caught on)

What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand?

He nuts and bolts.

Why is the robot good at one night stands?

Because he nuts and bolts.

Why couldn't Marco Rubio register on a web forum?

The website required him to prove that he is not a robot.

Why did the robot cross the road?

Because it was carbon bonded to the chicken.

Why was the Robot angry at the engineer?

Because he screwed his wife!

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What is the difference between a robot and a sandwich?

Everything. These two objects have nothing in common.

What did the robot say to the gas pump?

Take your finger out of your ear and listen to me!" I saw this in a Highlights magazine when I was a kid.

What do you say when a robot explodes into pieces?

Rest in pieces. I'll show myself out now.

What do you call it when the robot from Futurama gets in a minor car accident while wearing a dress?

A gender bender Bender fender bender.

What do you get when you cross a sheep with a robot?

Steel wool

What do you call a robot dressed in drag?

A transition metal.

What did the robot say to the centipede?

Stop being a centipede." Get it, because the robot has no arms! Hahhahaha, gets me everytime.

What do you call a robot whose brain is unplugged?

Mentally dis-cabled.

What do robots do at the rave?

They torque.

What do you call a pony mixed with a robot?

RoboClop....so sorry

Why did the robot get the electric chair?

Because he was charged with battery.

Why do Transformers always have their heads in the clouds?

They're robots in da skies.

Why don't robots have any brothers?

They all have transisters.

What did the robot say to the other robot as they destroyed each other?

Nothing personal."

What do you get when you cross a Triceratops and a lemon?

A. A Dino-sour 2.Q. Were do robots go to worship A. Mech-a

Why do robots make bad lovers?

Nuts &amp bolts!

What do you call a robot that doesn't support his children?

Nuts and bolts

What sounds like a robot and bumps into tables?

Stephen Hawking.

What do robots do on a one night stand?

He nuts and bolts

What does a robot do at the end of one night stand?

He falls off

Why's the ch pronounced differently in orchid than in orchard?

ROBOT: twitch, spark

What do you call the process of a robot clearing its artificial nose?

An olfactory reset.

What do you call a one night stand with a robot?

Nut and bolt

Why don't robots have any brothers anymore?

Because they have trans-sisters.

Why are robots never afraid?

Because they have nerves of steel

What do robots put at the bottom of their e-mails?

Yours tin-sincerely.

Why was the robot cold?

He was missing his winter gear

Why did the robot get detention?

Because he was accused of Boolean.

What do you call a robot doing the Gangnam Style dance?

A Psy-borg.

Why do robots make bad boyfriends?

They just screw, nut, then bolt.

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Sister Jokes More Sister Jokes

How many walruses does it take to make a sandwich?

Don't be silly, walruses don't make sandwiches; women make sandwiches. Made this up to bug my sister. It worked. Her husband laughed.

Why was this in the trash?

Me: 6: Me: It was too good. I didn't want to make your sisters jealous.

Movie Jokes More Movie Jokes

Why couldn't the coal worker get into the movie?

He was a miner.

What's the one movie Rick won't ever let you borrow?

He won't ever give you *Up*. No I'll show myself out . . .

Bathroom Jokes More Bathroom Jokes

Why did the Mummy go to the bathroom?

A: To wrap itself in toilet paper!

Where do bees go to the bathroom at?

at the

Chinese Jokes More Chinese Jokes

What do you call the definitive book on Chinese culture?

The Hanbook

What do you call a chinese food truck?

A Wok in the Park

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

How bad is my career?

I met a homeless guy on the beach in Los Angeles & thought "Wow this guy has it made"

What do you call it again where you think of a tweet while you're offline so you have to say it out loud?

Conversation

Require Jokes More Require Jokes

Why do most French recipes require only one egg?

In France, one egg is *un oeuf*

What do you call a man with a shovel stuck in his head?

An ambulance because that is a serious medical emergency that requires immediate attention.

End Jokes More End Jokes

What's high in the middle and round on both ends?

Ohio.

How long do you need to know someone before sharing fries?

Because I'm about to introduce myself to the girl at the end of the bar.

Brother Jokes More Brother Jokes

Why does your brother wear a life jacket in bed?

Because he sleeps on a waterbed !

Why did your brother give up his job in the biscuit factory?

Because he went crackers.