D Jokes

What are a pirate's least favorite letters?

D, M, C, and A.

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Whats a pirates favourite letter???

Youd think itd be rrrrr but tis the sea.

What do biology students do when they do poorly on a test?

They bio-D-grade.

What did C: drive say to D: drive?

Wow you looked shocked.

Why is there a "D" in fridge but not in refrigerator?

Because you don't put the "D" in the big ones.

Why is the Computer D Drive always sad?

D:

Which vitamine are feminists missing?

D

What do you call a gummy bear with no teeth?

D

Why is the letter 'B' commonly regarded as a pervert in the alphabet?

Because he can see the D

Why do failing college girls always screw their professors?

Cause they want the D.

What do you get from a frozen zombie?

Frost bite. D

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Why do mermaids wear sea shells?

Because D-shells are too big and B-shells are too small.

What does your mother and a neckbeard have in common?

They both love Ten D's

Why does Edward Woodwood have four D's in his name?

Because otherwise his name would be E-war Woo-woo.

How did Canada get its name?

They picked random letters out of a hat. C.... eh? N... eh? D....eh?

Why are wedding in Wales so inexpensive?

The brides are already dressed in white.

What do you call a Doctor who received all 'D's in Medical School?

Doctor

Why did the leper chase the leopard?

Because she wanted the D. (I dreamed this joke last night. Not bad for a dream joke.)

What is the difference between a laddie and a lady?

One has a d where the other doesn't.

Why would two melons in love hate their parents?

Because they cantaloupe. =D.....=).....=='(

Why do girls prefer to drive auto cars, instead of manual?

Because they want the D.

Why did Skrillex get fired from the antique shop?

Because he d-d-d-d-dropped the vase. Stupid. I know.

What kind of sounds does Jaimie Foxx make in the bedroom?

No sound at all, the D is silent

How can you make your d bigger?

CAPS LOCK

Why did the blonde wear green lipstick?

Because red means stop D

Why can't you hear Django coming?

The D is silent.

Why did Skrillex's girlfriend dump him?

Because he D-D-D-D-DROPPED THE BABY.

How do you get a girl from the Midwest to "s" your "d"?

Dip it in ranch.

Why were they called the dark ages?

Because there were so many knights! Credit: watching Mr. D on Netflix

What does a guy who can predict the lottery numbers 99% of the time have in common with the letters C, D, G, H, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z?

They're not infallible

What's the difference between an Asian and a dumb white girl?

The Asian try to get the A, but the white girl try to get the D

What starts with 'D' and has two letters in it?

w

How done is she?

a.) 100% done b.) 300% done c.) SO done d.) She can't even

Why would a monster be big, green and scaly?

Cuz if he were small, white and smooth hed be a Tic Tac.

What's the difference between a lady and a laddy?

The D

Why did the feminist accuse her teacher of misogyny?

Because he'd D graded her.

What's the difference between Bad Jokes and Dad Jokes?

One starts with B and the otber starts with D

Why did the man cry when he was cutting up onions?

Onions" was his dog... D:

How do you get a woman from to be, to bed?

Give her the D.

When you have the choice between cleaning the bath or doing some sport... which series do you watch ?

D

What does December have that other months dont have?

The letter D.

Why are wedding gowns white?

Cuz the dishwasher should match the stove and the fridge

Why was the lesbian mad when she got her report card?

Cause she got a D

What happened when the man fell in love with his garden?

It made him wed his plants!

Why are wedding dresses white?

So the dishwasher matches the stove.

What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month ?

The letter "D" !

What do these shoes do?

GLINDA: Send you home D: Lame tries new pair And these G: Wait- D: clicks heels turns into hamburger

What is the biggest battery size?

The D. It's huge.

What "D" (dimension) should Marilyn Monroe's movies always be shown in ?

Blon-D

Why did Yoda never get married?

Because when he was standing by alter, and asked "If he would take this women as his lawful wedded wife " His response was "Do I "

What did the baby dolphin do when he didn't get his way?

He whale-d

Why is C afraid of D?

Because DEEZ NUTS!

What did C say to E?

She wants the D.

What does Brown Santa say?

Gifts only for little girls with A's, B's and C's because the other ones already have the D's."

How many stuttering Mexicans does it take to crash a server?

D--Dos

What do French stoners smoke?

Oui-d

Whatcha doing on the PC?

Daughter: Looking at peckers. M: WHAT ! D: Science project on chickens. M: Oh. D: You walked RIGHT into that.

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De Jokes More De Jokes

Who Loves Debates?

De fishes

Why is it really hard to convince Egyptians?

Because they all live in de-nile...

Discuss Jokes More Discuss Jokes

What did the celebrity say to the tabloid?

You discussed me!"

Why do women try to talk football?

Do you see me in the kitchen discussing dishwashing strategies No. You don't.

Stress Jokes More Stress Jokes

What stresses fish out the most?

Current events.

What did one earthquake say to the other earthquake?

I've been really stressed out lately, I know it's not your fault, but please stop cracking jokes about me

Gym Jokes More Gym Jokes

Why did the bike not go to the gym?

BECAUSE IT WAS TOO TIRED :D:D:D:D:D:D

What do people do for a party itinerary in the Jersey Shore?

Gym.Tan.Laundry.

Run Jokes More Run Jokes

Why is it not safe to doze on trains?

Because they run over sleepers.

What's the difference between a robber and a politician?

Politicians run BEFORE they steal your money.

Respond Jokes More Respond Jokes

How does R. Kelly respond when girls ask for a rating on a ten scale?

Urinate

How many zeroes does your salary have?

He responds "One" "In which currency " "Any :("

Step Jokes More Step Jokes

What did King Trident say when he stepped in the whale poop?

OH CARP!!!

What do you say to a molecular biologist who's about to step foot into the ring?

Show him what you're made of!

Appreciate Jokes More Appreciate Jokes

What did Chris Christie say when asked if he had plans to run in the 2016 presidential election?

After giving it a substantial amount of thought and discussing it with my advisors, I've decided against it. I mean, I'd love to, and I appreciate those who'd support me, but I feel like I wouldn't be able to take the stress mentally- and physically." After being asked what physical stress he'd experience, he responded: "I don't think I'd be able to handle that much running."

Why was 10 scared?

because he was in the middle of 9-11! Better phrasing recommendations appreciated :-)