Leg Jokes

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep?

Mat

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Why do women have legs for?

To not leave a snail trail behind them.

What has six legs and goes "Hodeedo, hodeedo?

Three black guys about to miss the elevator

Why do they say "break a leg !" to actors ?

If you said "tear an ACL !" to a star athlete, you'd be shot on the spot.

What do you call a cookie without legs?

A cookie

What do you call a kid with no arms, no legs, and an eye patch?

Names.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who's trying to get home?

A taxi

What has four legs but doesn't move?

A: A statue of a dog!

What kind of tea do you pay an arm and a leg for?

Amputee

What do you call a cow that's missing a leg?

A 3 legged cow

How do you teach a girl math?

Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, give her a square root and watch her multiply.

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What is red and crawls up your leg?

An abortion with homesickness.

This joke may have profanity.

What do you call a corn dog with no legs?

A *corn dog*, stupid! Corn dogs don't have legs!

What did your mom's leg say to her other leg?

Nothing they've never met.

What has four legs and goes meow?

A crocodile. -You won !"

What did John Wilkes Boothe's stage partner wish him on the day of that tragic night?

Break a leg. So he jumped off the balcony... Sorry that I am not funny.

What do you call a ginger bread man with one leg?

A. Limp Bizkit. (limp biscuit) (Alternate: What do the British call a cookie that got wet )

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other Ilene. What do you cal an Asian woman with one leg shorter than the other?

Irene

How do you walk a dog with no legs?

You don't, you pick it up.

What's got six legs and can fly long distances ?

Three swallows !

When you put a baby into a blender, why do you put her in legs first ?

A : So that you can see the expression on the face.........

What does a leg do when it gets exasperated?

It thighs.

What has two legs and red all over?

Half a puppy... I'm sorry

What do you call a man with no arms or legs who likes to go swimming?

Bob.

Why did the dog say he was an actor?

His leg was in a cast.

What's the difference between an expensive purchase and a loud noise that scares a chicken?

One costs an arm and a leg. The other caused alarm and an egg.

Why did the dog roll down the hill?

It didn t have any legs.

What has no eyes and four legs?

No idea.

What do you call a child with no arms and no legs swimming in a pool?

Bob.

How do you find a girl with no legs?

Follow the slime trail.

What do you call a pirate with two legs, two arms and two eyes?

Noob.

What has four legs but can't walk?

A chair.

What's better than winning the Paralympics?

A: Having legs!

What does the kid with no legs get for Christmas?

Cancer.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leafs?

Russel

Why did the woman turn to her husband and say "now who the hell would dump such a nice sofa out here in the woods?

She was looking at a bear and thought it was a sofa due to the four legs.

Which part of the body goes to heaven first?

A Kid replied: The legs... Because everynight I see my mum's legs up high and screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING!! XD

What happens when a guy with no legs dies?

He punches the bucket

What do you call a kid with no arms and legs playing baseball?

2nd base.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef!

What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A cloud.

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How do you call 4 blacks in a car falling off the cliff?

A waste. You could fit 1 more in the trunk.

How can we get you to walk out of here with 4 tires?

Sir, you are wildly overestimating my strength."

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What is the best letter who represent a man?

A favorite joke of my mother) The Q because is a big zero with a small tail.

Why can't a blonde dial 911?

Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911? A: She can't find the eleven.

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What do you call a spider with no legs?

A raisin

What are spiders webs good for ?

Spiders !

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What has 4 legs in the morning, 2 legs in the evening and 6 legs at night?

I've trapped it in my bedroom, send help...

Why does the town idiot take his bedroom door off the hinges and put it to the sid every night when he goes to sleep?

ANSWER: Because he's afraid someone would look through the keyhole.

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What is stronger an elephant or a snail ?

A snail because it carries it's house an elephant just carries its trunk !

What did the hotel manager say to the elephant that couldn't pay his bill ?

Pack your trunk and clear out !"

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What walks on 8 legs until it's one years old, 4 legs until it's twenty years old and then 2 legs for the remainder of it's life?

Fred and George Weasley.

What's the difference between a four year old and a baggie of cocaine?

Eric Clapton wouldn't let a baggie of cocaine fall out the window.

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What does George Weasley see in the Mirror of Erised?

His reflection.

What walks on 8 legs until it's one years old, 4 legs until it's twenty years old and then 2 legs for the remainder of it's life?

Fred and George Weasley.

Age Jokes More Age Jokes

Who did this?

1) When I was your age...

What walks on eight legs until the age of one, four legs until the age of twenty, and two legs after?

The Weasley twins