Leg Jokes

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep?

Mat

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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Why do women have legs for?

To not leave a snail trail behind them.

What has six legs and goes "Hodeedo, hodeedo?

Three black guys about to miss the elevator

Why do they say "break a leg !" to actors ?

If you said "tear an ACL !" to a star athlete, you'd be shot on the spot.

What do you call a cookie without legs?

A cookie

What do you call a kid with no arms, no legs, and an eye patch?

Names.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who's trying to get home?

A taxi

What has four legs but doesn't move?

A: A statue of a dog!

What kind of tea do you pay an arm and a leg for?

Amputee

What do you call a cow that's missing a leg?

A 3 legged cow

How do you teach a girl math?

Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, give her a square root and watch her multiply.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
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What is red and crawls up your leg?

An abortion with homesickness.

This joke may have profanity.

What do you call a corn dog with no legs?

A *corn dog*, stupid! Corn dogs don't have legs!

What did your mom's leg say to her other leg?

Nothing they've never met.

What has four legs and goes meow?

A crocodile. -You won !"

What did John Wilkes Boothe's stage partner wish him on the day of that tragic night?

Break a leg. So he jumped off the balcony... Sorry that I am not funny.

What do you call a ginger bread man with one leg?

A. Limp Bizkit. (limp biscuit) (Alternate: What do the British call a cookie that got wet )

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other Ilene. What do you cal an Asian woman with one leg shorter than the other?

Irene

How do you walk a dog with no legs?

You don't, you pick it up.

What's got six legs and can fly long distances ?

Three swallows !

When you put a baby into a blender, why do you put her in legs first ?

A : So that you can see the expression on the face.........

What does a leg do when it gets exasperated?

It thighs.

What has two legs and red all over?

Half a puppy... I'm sorry

What do you call a man with no arms or legs who likes to go swimming?

Bob.

Why did the dog say he was an actor?

His leg was in a cast.

What's the difference between an expensive purchase and a loud noise that scares a chicken?

One costs an arm and a leg. The other caused alarm and an egg.

Why did the dog roll down the hill?

It didn t have any legs.

What has no eyes and four legs?

No idea.

What do you call a child with no arms and no legs swimming in a pool?

Bob.

How do you find a girl with no legs?

Follow the slime trail.

What do you call a pirate with two legs, two arms and two eyes?

Noob.

What has four legs but can't walk?

A chair.

What's better than winning the Paralympics?

A: Having legs!

What does the kid with no legs get for Christmas?

Cancer.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leafs?

Russel

Why did the woman turn to her husband and say "now who the hell would dump such a nice sofa out here in the woods?

She was looking at a bear and thought it was a sofa due to the four legs.

Which part of the body goes to heaven first?

A Kid replied: The legs... Because everynight I see my mum's legs up high and screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING!! XD

What happens when a guy with no legs dies?

He punches the bucket

What do you call a kid with no arms and legs playing baseball?

2nd base.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef!

What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A cloud.

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2 Leg Jokes More 2 Leg Jokes

What has 2 legs and bleeds?

Half a dog.

What's mostly red and has 2 legs?

Half of a cat.

Evening Jokes More Evening Jokes

What do elephants do in the evenings ?

Watch elevision !

What happens to all the unsold christmas trees?

A Total TreeCull. Basically, on the evening of December 25th, every christmas tree salesperson does the trees

Deal Jokes More Deal Jokes

What did the optimist say to his doctor when he found out he had lung cancer?

Well, I'll deal with this asbestos I can!"

What's the deal with the phrase "door ajar"?

I mean, is it a door or is it a jar?

Life Jokes More Life Jokes

What is the saddest thing in you're life?

That you clicked on this link only to correct my grammer....

What's the meaning of life?

Why don't you google it?

Lean Beef Jokes More Lean Beef Jokes

What do you call a cow with only legs on one side?

Lean Beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Lean beef.

Weasley Jokes More Weasley Jokes

How is the Battle for Hogwarts like a Black Friday sale?

Weasley twins are 50% off

What walks on eight legs until the age of one, four legs until the age of twenty, and two legs after?

The Weasley twins

Year Old Jokes More Year Old Jokes

Why did the banana go to the doctor?

He wasn't peeling very well. Credit to my four year old niece.

Where do American bees store their honey?

In a USBee hive. Thank my ten year old for that one.

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

What is your best casino joke?

I work in a casino and want to hear your best one. Here is mine: what's the difference between a canoe and a baccarat player? A canoe sometimes tips!

Why is Santa Claus so jolly?

He knows where all the naughty girls live. I actually heard this in the video game LA Noire. Thought it was pretty funny so I bust it out every Christmas.