Wish Jokes

How does Seth Macfarlane wishes you Eid Mubarrak?

Keep it in church, guys.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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Why is a bad government like a bikini?

Because people marvel at what's holding it up. And they wish it would fall.

What does Peter Parker wish he would have went to school for?

Web design.

What did the pillar say when he forgot to wish his friend happy birthday?

I'll column later.

How do you get wishes from cheese?

You fed-a-genie!

What has a slice of burnt toast and a pregnant girlfriend got in common?

In both cases you wish you took it out a few seconds earlier.

Why Are Mexican & Black Jokes Overdone?

Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal!...I'm sorry, you can hate me if you wish. ;(

Whats the difference between a genie and a genius?

A genie grants wishes, while a genius wishes for grants.

Why did the optimistic Chinese guy wish he had multiple personality disorder?

He wanted to be the Changs he wanted to see in the world.

What does a Mexican cop say when he wishes you a Merry Christmas?

Police Navidad.

What do you call a nine-sided polygon that wishes to remain anonymous?

anonagon.

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What do you do when you meet a robotic genie?

You mech a wish.

How many forever alone guys does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but he wishes it was two.

What's really important to a bat when they are looking for a new home?

Echo-location, location, location (Replace "bat" with "zubat" if you wish.)

Why did the black kid wish for a white Christmas?

Because all his white friends got better gifts than him.

Why does Vincent van Gogh always look forward to thenew year?

Because everyone wishes him a new ear.

How many lonely guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. But he wishes it took two.

What 3 books would you have on a desert island?

ME: My first book is more books. F: What These aren't wish M: Second book's a TV.

Why were the locals dissapointed when an old, decrepit, broken down bus rolled into an Egyptian town?

They wished it was Anubis.

Who wants to go out to dinner and scream and cry and make daddy wish he wore more condoms?

Kids: WE DO! YAY!

How many PA's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Nine........one to do it and eight others to wish they'd been asked.

What did the horse say to whinnie the pooh while watching his t.v. show?

I wish I could hear you whinnie.

What is your first wish?

Joe: I want to be rich. Genie: Granted. What is your second wish Rich: I want lots of money.

What did the pebble say to the rock?

I wish I was a little boulder!

What kind of genie only grants wishes to men?

A misogenie.

How many thingamabobs does Ariel have?

20 "Twenty-*one*. She got the last one when she wished for legs."

Why do horses make terrible congressmen?

Because they can only say "neigh!" I wish this was a joke made up by my 7 year old cousin, but she's imaginary.

Who does Christopher Reeve wish he could be?

Christopher Walken

Whats the difference between a hippie on fire and a lifetime supply of patchouli?

I don't wish for a lifetime supply every time I smell patchouli.

What is a Farmer's favorite pick-up line?

Girl. You look so good that I wish I could plant you and grow a whole field of y'all!

How do you say hello to a femnist?

You don't. To do so would violate her wish to not be part of the society she lives in.

Whats your first wish?

Dave: I wish I was rich. Genie: Granted, what's your second wish Rich: I want lots of money.

Why were my balls wet?

cause i dipped em' in the wishing well! LOL

What country do all cats wish to get their food from?

Viet NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM

Why didn't Napoleon get his wish?

Because he couldn't pull the wish Bonaparte.

Why Are Mexican &amp?

Black Jokes Overdone? Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal!...I'm sorry, you can hate me if you wish. ;(

What did John Wilkes Boothe's stage partner wish him on the day of that tragic night?

Break a leg. So he jumped off the balcony... Sorry that I am not funny.

What do werewolves put at the bottom of their e-mails?

Beast wishes.

Why are mexicans so predictable in Uno?

Because they always wish for the green card

How can Euchre and Marriage be similar?

Sometimes you start out all hearts and diamonds, but end up wishing you had a club and a spade.

What's the cruelest curse to wish upon a single guy?

I wish his hands were made of stone."

You might also enjoy:

Dave Jokes More Dave Jokes

Whats your first wish?

Dave: I wish I was rich. Genie: Granted, what's your second wish Rich: I want lots of money.

Why are Reddit jokes so overused?

I don't know, ask Dave.

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

What do you get when you cross a hit of acid with a birth control pill?

A trip without the kids.

What's the most trifling thing about divorce when you have kids?

Child custardy

Slice Jokes More Slice Jokes

Who's there ! Buddha ! Buddha who ?

Buddha this slice of bread for me !

How do you greet a slice of bread in Germany?

Gluten tag! Ba-dum tss.

Money Jokes More Money Jokes

Why does Cuba not have any casinos?

They Havana no money to spend.

How does Twitch (Streaming Site) Chat make money?

Kappatalism!

Genie Jokes More Genie Jokes

Where's the genie?

Takes off lampshade* What's wrong with this thing

What kind of genie only grants wishes to men?

A misogenie.

School Jokes More School Jokes

How many girls a boy need to shoot a school?

None.

What's the difference between a Canadian and an American?

Canadian knows the difference between a school and a shooting range.

Burn Jokes More Burn Jokes

What do a frozen beer, a burnt pizza, and a pregnant girl have in common?

Failure to pull out in time

What do you call a burning white guy?

A firecracker

Single Guy Jokes More Single Guy Jokes

What do single guys have?

Palm Sunday.

What's the difference between a married guy and a single guy?

Wait, let me ask and make sure it's ok to tell the joke.