Mom Jokes

How do you get out of Sunday school?

You tell your mom you're Sikh.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
5.0

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What did the black kid with diarrhea say to his mom?

Help! I'm melting!

Why gypsies boys let their mustache to grow?

To look more like their mom.

What do your mom and Jesus have in common?

They both got nailed

What did one plant say to the other plant that was annoying him?

Please leaf me alone! Or I'll tell my mom, and you'll get in trouble.

What about your mom?

No, no. Dad wouldn't allow that."

What did little Paul Bunyan say when his mom asked him how he damaged his favorite toy?

It was an ax-I-dent.

What is the difference between a cheap whore and an expensive whore?

One is your mom the other one gets paid more.

This joke may have profanity.

How are you supposed to buy a gift for your mom as an adult?

It's like, oh you gave birth to me Please enjoy this fancy candle.

Who pushed the neonate out an endometrium?

Your mom.

What did Santa say when he saw your mom, sister, and girlfriend all together in the same room?

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
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Coffee Mug

How to not get scolded by your parents if you want GTA V?

Mom! I want to play GTA V! Giant Turtles ATTACK V!

What did you do at school today?

Mark: We played a guessing game. Mom: But I thought you were having a math exam Mark: That's right.

How fast can Klingon's run?

About Warf speed. My mom made this joke up last night at a bbq party. She likes to think she is funnier on holidays. Thanks, Mom.

How is your mom just like a laundromat?

For a dollar in quarters she will take my load.

How many times do I have to tell you this Mom?

I have thousands of fans who need to know my thoughts. So, no I can't take out the garbage.

What did the little ghost give his mom for Mother's Day?

A booquet of flowers.

What did Sigmund Freud do for mother's day?

His mom.

How's my baby girl?

Me: I'm moving back in. Mom: Your room is ready. Me: No, your uterus! Mom: Steph you drink too much

Why is your mom like a 360 noscope?

Cuz I wouldn't hit that.

What company makes Nerds?

Your mom.

Who was bigger, the baby or his mom?

The baby, because he's a little Bigger.

How dare you complain about your life?

Someone's mom is Snooki.

Why is everything lying on the floor?

my mom asked Gravity, I replied.

Why are you putting on makeup, Mommy?

Me: So I look less tired. 3: Why are you tired Me: Because I'm a mom. 3: Why are you a mom Me: 3:

What time?

Mom: Anytime between 1-4. Apparently my Mom works for the cable company now.

Where are you and Mom going tonight?

Me: To meet with your teacher. 7: Oh, you don't need to. I already saw her today.

What did the mom say when she found out her son was going to be a evil spy?

Abort mission!

When you fall in love it burns and you die, right?

Yes, son. Love is terrible. "No Mom, I said LAVA." Oh. You maybe can survive that one.

What do you call your mom who used to be your dad?

A transparent ( )

Why does Mom wear makeup?

Me: To look pretty. 5: But she's already pretty. Me: Aww. 5: Dad, you should wear makeup.

What is harder said than done?

Your mom

What did the mom say to her son when he said he didn't want any of her flippin' pancakes?

Fine. They will just be burnt on one side.

Why did the guy that owned a chocolate building bang his mom?

Because he had an edible complex.

What do you call a cow on no legs?

Ground beef. What do you call a cow on three legs Tri-Tip. What do you call a cow on two legs Your mom.

Which appliance in your home do you think is the most useful?

His answer: "My mom."

What do you call a snake that always hangs around its mom?

A momma's boa.

What did you learn at summer camp?

KID: We built a generator out of sticks and mud MOM: A generator For what KID: To charge our iPods

Why am I getting my Christmas presents in August?

Her mom replies, "Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy."

How did Tiger Woods get the name Tiger?

His mom is Thai and his dad is.......

What'sApp Me: Mom, what's for dinner?

Mom : typing ... *gets married* *have kids* *gets old* *dies* *goes to hell* Mom: Fish, honey!

What did the dumb blonde say when told that "Scheherezade" was composed by Rimsky-Korsakov ?

A: "Why'd his mom choose to call him Rimsky of all names !! "

When your mom is mad at you and finds anything to throw at you https://www.youtube.com/watch?

v=75cA3xmssM

When my girlfriend asks "mom, what are you doing!?

I reply "Taxes."

What do you call... A cow with one leg?

Lean beef What do you call a cow with no legs Ground beef What do you call a cow with two legs Your mom

Why does mom always yell at you?

Me: Marriage is complicated. 4: Is it because you're stupid

Why are your eyes dilated?

Me: "Your eyes dilate up to 45% when you look at something you love" Mom: "What were you looking at " Me: "Memes"

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Darling Jokes More Darling Jokes

How many women have you slept with My wife asked me, "How many women have you slept with?

I proudly replied, "Only you, Darling. With all the others I was awake."

Why don't kids at school get my sarcastic humor?

Me: Because they have boring parents, darling.

Rjoke Jokes More Rjoke Jokes

What's the most outplayed joke in all of /r/jokes?

removed

How do you know a mod of /r/jokes is Asian?

dereted

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

Why did the nurse always insist on using the rectal thermometer to obtain temperatures?

Because nurses are taught in nursing school to always look for her patient's best side.

Why did the computer get a virus?

He wasn't using protection.

Sell Jokes More Sell Jokes

Why was the man selling CDs at 12:30 a.m.?

Because his mixtape was to die for...

Why was the black man selling drugs?

He was a pharmacist.

Marry Jokes More Marry Jokes

Why won't the honeydew marry the watermelon?

Because they cantaloupe..

Why did the moon marry the sun?

Because the sun is hott.

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

Why do lambs go to casinos?

They love to gambol.

What's a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?

Everyone thinks it's 'R', but his first love be the 'C'.

Expect Jokes More Expect Jokes

Why did Tony cross the road?

To get to the other side. He then turned around, stuck up his middle finger and said, "Hah, you were all expecting a joke, and all you got was an Anthony joke!"

What do you call a funny hill?

Hilarious ... My little sister told me this and I wasn't expecting it at all. :

Flower Jokes More Flower Jokes

What flower loves to be in the sun?

Sunflower.

Where did the promiscuous girl from Belgium go to plant her flowers?

ze Hoegaarden.