Pee Jokes

Poop: Please don't push. It's already tight in here! Poop to Pee: May I go first? Meanwhile, Fart pushing everyone to the sides.. Fart: Excuse me! Excuse me! I need to go!

What did the toilet say to the pee?

urine

What did the Taliban soldier say to his buddy?

Afgan I pee... Stan he fer me a minute.

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Why is it so hard for an eighty year old woman to pee in the morning?

Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese?!

Why does a pterodactyl always urinate on the side of the bowl?

Because the pee is silent.

What did the poop say to the pee when he was hitting on her?

I may be a two but your an eight..

What happens when everyone in the country takes a pee at the same time?

What happens when everyone in the country takes a pee at the same time? Urine-nation!

What did the judge say to the attractive woman soaked in pee?

You're an eight.

Why did the Teletubbies find it hard to pee?

They only have one Tinkie-Winkie

What does it sound like when a pterodactyl uses the bathroom?

Nothing, the pee is silent

What do you say if your peeing in Ireland and spot a leprechaun?

Urine luck

What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?

You can mash potatoes, but you can't pee soup. (sorry sorry. Really. I've loved this joke since I was... oh.. six...)

What do you call a pirate who is lost at sea and has to drink his own pee to survive?

Aarrrrrrr Kelly!

What did Charlie Bucket say when Willie Wonka peed on him?

I've got a golden tinkle in my eye...

Why did the model pee herself?

She was all dressed up with no place to go!

How do you get a polar bear in the water?

First, you cut a hole in the ice, then you sprinkle some pees around the hole. When the polar bear goes to take a pee, you kick him in the ice hole!

What did the boy pee say to the girl pee?

Urine angel.

Why can't you tell when a pterodactyl is going to the bathroom?

Because the pee is silent.

Why can't chickens pee?

Their pecker's on the wrong end.

This joke may have profanity.

Why do women have trouble peeing in the morning?

You ever tried to open a grilled cheese sandwich

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl when it pees?

Because the p is silent.

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the pee is silent.

What does Justin Timberlake say when he's going to the bathroom?

It's Gonna Be Pee"

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl peeing?

Because P is silent.

Who cares if you pee in the shower?

The bride and all her guests, apparently.

Why's a pretty girl like you sitting all alone?

Me: I peed my pants.

Why's the couch smell like pee?

Flashback to me watching The Ring alone Me: *points at son* I think someone had another "accident."

What happens if the baby pees?

Pregnant wife: She won't. She waits till she's born 5: Right. Just like no one pees in the pool

What happened to wendy on her way to neverland?

She peed her pants (read out loud)

Why do girls make a "shhhhh" noise while peeing and men don't?

Cos men have a 6 inch silencer.

What can 5 men do that 5 women can't do?

Pee in a cup.

How are you able to stay in bed all morning without getting up to pee?

He replied... ...It's hard

Why didn't Pope John Paul let dogs into the Vatican?

Because they pee on poles.

Why does Euler's Number say it's "going number 2" when it pees?

Because its natural log is 1. I'll show myself out now.

Why did the prophylactic fly across the room?

It was peed off.

What did the priest announce before he went for a bath?

Speak now or forever hold your pee!"

What do dads say when they see someone peeing?

European.

Why bother drinking water?

You're just gonna pee it out. This is what Big Water doesn't want you to know.

What did the doctor say to the man who couldn't pee?

Urine trouble!

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Ice Jokes More Ice Jokes

Why did the fisherman drill a hole in the ice?

For the Halibut

What do my wife and a chest freezer have in common?

The exterior is hot, but its cold as ice inside.

Girl Jokes More Girl Jokes

When you ask a girl, Wanna go to the gym with me?

https://www.youtube.com/watch v=rQegAi6d-MM

Why didn't the girl go into the haunted house?

She didn't have the balls.

Sweet Pee Jokes More Sweet Pee Jokes

What does a guy call his diabetic girlfriend?

Sweet Pee

What's the most insensitive nickname you can give a person with diabetes?

Sweet Pee

Boxer Jokes More Boxer Jokes

What do you call a boxer with an upset stomach?

Gaseous Clay

What's pink, wrinkly, hairy, smells of pee, and hangs out you boxers?

Either your mum, your wife or you.

Boy Jokes More Boy Jokes

When the boy broke his knee, where did he go to get a new one?

At the butcher shop, where they sell kid-knees.

What did the boy pee say to the girl pee?

Urine angel.

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

What is owned by you but mostly... What is owned by you but mostly used by others?

Your name! -

What term is used to describe a phenomenon where a European mans ejaculates prematurely?

Pole Position

Cut Jokes More Cut Jokes

What gets longer the more you cut it at both ends?

A ditch.

Why do people buy fruit already cut up?

There's only like 7 things in life easier than cutting up fruit and one of them is farting.

Justin Timberlake Jokes More Justin Timberlake Jokes

What is Justin Timberlake's favourite Ukrainian river?

The Crimea River.

What's Justin Timberlake's favourite Microsoft Word alignment?

Justified. (NB Sincerely hoping that this is actually original)