Astronaut Jokes

What do you call a black man in space?

An astronaut.

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Why didn't the approaching black hole concern the astronaut?

He didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

Why wasn't the astronaut paying attention?

Because he was spaced out.

What do astronauts put on their toast?

Space Jam.

How do astronauts make a party?

They planet.

What's a astronauts favorite food?

Lays, because they are full of air.

What do you call an astronaut that doesn't like being touched?

A personal space man

Why don't astronauts take anything seriously?

They don't grasp the gravity of the situation...

Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?

Because he needed his space.

Why can't astronauts stay in a long term relationship?

They need space.

How does the astronaut cut his hair?

Eclipse

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What do you call a Mexican walking on the moon?

An astronaut you racist..

What do astronauts do to host a party?

They planet.

Why do astronauts bring their phone into space?

Because they can get 4g

What did the astronaut from AA say in space?

Houston, I have a problem."

How do you tell an astronaut where they're going?

Straight up.

Where do astronauts leave their spacecraft?

At parking meteors.

How do astronauts say they're sorry?

They apollo-gize.

What color were eyes of the Astronaut on the Challenger when it exploded?

Blue. One blue this way ---- and the other blue that way -----

What did the astronaut get on his science project?

He received a T minus.

What did the astronaut say to his girlfriend?

I need space.

What does a astronaut put in a sandwich?

Space Jam

What part of the computer the astronaut likes the most?

A space bar.

What did the astronaut get instead of athlete's foot?

Missile Toe

How did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?

I just need some space."

How do you calm down an astronaut?

you give him space.

What do you call a donkey throwing nuts?

An astronaut.

Which astronaut wears the biggest helmet?

The one with the biggest head.

What does an astronaut do when he gets angry?

He blasts off:

Why didn't the astronauts stay on the moon?

Because it was a full moon and there was no room.

Why did the kid with muscular dystrophy want to be an astronaut, a doctor, a lawyer, and a NASCAR driver when he grew up?

He had a lot of aspirations.

What's the difference between an astronaut and a NASA intern?

One's constantly preparing for lunch.

What do you think astronauts wear to keep warm?

Girl: Apollo neck jumpers

Why don't astronauts keep their jobs very long?

Because as soon as they start they get fired.

What do astronauts get?

missile toe

What do you call an Asian woman on the moon?

an Astronaut

When do you ground an astronaut?

When they're astronauty.

What kind of cell phone reception do astronauts get on the moon?

1/6 G My 8 year old son came up with this one.

What does an astronaut say when he's sorry?

All my Apollo-gies.

Why don't astronauts get hungry after being blasted into space?

Because they've just had a big launch.

How do Astronauts screw in a lightbulb?

They don't: They screw in a vacuum.

Where do astronauts leave their spaceships?

At parking meteors.

What did the astronaut say to his girlfriend when he broke up with her?

I need some space.

Why are Astronauts seen as condescending?

Because all they do is look down at people.

Why is it hard dating an astronaut?

Because they have space issues.

What kind of gum do astronauts chew?

Hubble Bubble

What do you call a donut that is out of this world?

Astronaut-----

What do you call an astronaut who loves himself?

A NASAccist!

Why did the IT guy want to be an astronaut?

So he can find router space.

Why was the astronaut so sore?

He had a buildup of ga-lactic acid.

What happened to the astronaut who was knocked out?

He saw stars.

Why are there no astronauts on Twitch.tv?

Because in space, no one can hear you stream.

What do astronauts wear to bed?

Space Jammies!

How do astronauts plan a party?

They planet. (Plan-et)

Why didn't the astronauts land on the moon?

Because it was full. * (from a taffy taffy wrapper--oh my god what am I doing with my life)

What type of knot do you tie in space?

An astronaut.

What did the man say when he accidentally bumped into the astronaut?

I Apollo-gize"

How does it feel son?

Astronaut: Feels pretty good to be 33 million miles away from Dave Matthews Band

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What did the pair of flip-flops say to the approaching man with disgusting feet?

Shoe.

What you hope someone might say about you when they approach your casket?

Hey, I think he moved.

Pay Jokes More Pay Jokes

What does the highest paid WNBA player make?

Sandwiches.

Why doesn't Santa have to pay for parking?

Because it's on the house.

Touch Jokes More Touch Jokes

Where did he touch you as a kid?

that will be an extra $50."

Why did the nun call the Womens helpline?

because she was touched by Jesus.

4 Jokes More 4 Jokes

What is 168?

Dinner for 4.

How did the hippie remember the number of wives he had?

He counted 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, 4 Mississippi...

Space Jokes More Space Jokes

What do you call a scientist that measures things in space?

A cosmetrologist.

Why does no one care that space is a vacuum?

Oh it doesn't really matter.

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

What's the worse thing to do to a blind person?

Leave a plunger in the toilet

What Is the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag?

One is white, made of plastic, and very dangerous if left around small children. The other is a plastic bag.

Bring Jokes More Bring Jokes

Why do ghosts get invited to parties?

Because they always bring boos.

What's the worst type of vegetable to bring on a boat?

Grandpa. :(

Favorite Food Jokes More Favorite Food Jokes

What's a astronauts favorite food?

Lays, because they are full of air.

What is Vladimir Putins favorite food?

Peaches and Krim