Lose Jokes

What happens to an air conditioner when you pull its plug?

A: It loses its cool.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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What do you call a penguin in the desert?

Lost.

Why did Rembrandt lose his house?

Because he was *Baroque*.

How do you lose a Football championship penalty shootout?

You Messi-up

What do you call a matador who lost to the bull?

A mat'o'gore.

What do tornadoes and redneck divorces have in common?

Either way, someone is going to end up losing a trailer.

What do you call an aardvark that's just lost a fight?

A vark!

Why was the cook late to Thanksgiving dinner?

He lost track of thyme. Happy Thanksgiving.

What's the similarity between Divorce and tornados in the Midwest?

Someone's losing their trailer

Why can't a Pirate make it through their ABC's?

They always get lost at C.

Why shouldn't violists take up mountaineering?

A: Because if they get lost it takes ages before anyone notices that they're missing.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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What would be the worst possible thing to see on Reddit after losing your family in a car crash?

removed (two children)

What is a joke that so stupid that is actually funny?

There was a thread months ago but i lost it...

Why did the one eyed banker lose his job?

He didn't have any debtperception.

How did the babysitter lose 500 kids and keep her job?

She swallowed

Why did Prince William lose his cool?

He wasn't properly heir conditioned.

What did the cat say when he lost all his money ?

I'm paw !

Why did Jesus lose the basketball game?

Because Peter denied him three times.

How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?

Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer

What did the atom say when it lost an electron?

I better keep an ion that.

What is yellow and goes click-click?

A ball-point banana. Witch: Will I lose my looks as I get older Wizard: With luck yes. Witch:

What does an Arab say after losing his virginity?

Good goat!

Why did the banker dump his girlfriend?

He lost interest.

What do you call it when a hedge fund manager loses his job to a Watson inspired AI built by IBM?

It doesn't matter. We'll all be laughing too hard to care.

What do you call Michael Buble's long lost evil twin brother?

Pu-pu puble

What do you call a bottle of seltzer that lost all its bubbles?

Water...

How did Tom Brady's feel after losing to the Broncos?

Deflated

Why didn't the native Americans go out to dinner?

They lost their reservations.

What's a big game hunter?

Someone who's lost his way to the match.

What happened to the lost cattle?

Nobody's herd.

What do you call a camel in Alaska?

Lost.

What do a hurricane a tornado a fire and a divorce have in common?

They are four ways you can lose your house!

Where do I lose my Arab friends?

I don't have any Arab friends, so it doesn't matter.

How do fish lose weight?

They Swim-fast.

Why did the dog lose the lawsuit?

It was a shih-tzu

What do you call a ghost without any feet?

A lost sole

Why is an Oklahoma divorce like a Texas twister?

Somebody's 'bout to lose a trailer.

What do an anorexic girl and the UK have in common?

They both lose pounds really fast.

What did the baker say after he found the dough he had lost?

That's just what I kneaded!

What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?

A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

What do a hurricane and a divorce in Virginia have in common?

Screaming, crying, and somebody loses a trailer!

What happened to the man who went to court for making deafening noises?

He lost his hearing.

Where would you find an elephant ?

Pupil:"You don't have to find them they're too big to lose !"

How did the drunk Irish man lose 30$?

He bet 10$ on the soccer game and 20$ on the replay.

How do you make people lose faith in this sub?

This.

Why didn't the recently single goose lose her job when she made a mistake?

Because she had one heck of an ex-goose

Why did Steve Jobs lose on the X Factor?

because Sam sung better than him

How did the possessed lady lose weight?

Diet and exorcise.

Why did the vengeful fireman lose his job?

He tried fighting fire with fire.

What happened when the man lost his suspenders?

He became one of those For Whom the Belt Holds

What's the difference between my GoPro and my girlfriend?

I wouldn't spend hours looking for my girlfriend at a ski resort if I lost her on the mountain.

Where did the cat go when it lost it's tail?

To the retail store!

What do you call someone who lost an election by 2 million votes?

Mr. President.

What if weight loss supplements ads are just made by British people really transparently trying to scam you?

You'll lost 30 for only $42.82! Guaranteed.

What is the best way to get called a ,"genius?

by losing a billion dollars in business.

Did you hear that David lost his ID in prague?

Now we just have to call him Dav.

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Presidential Debate Jokes More Presidential Debate Jokes

Who lost the presidential debate?

We Americans

Who lose in the presidential debate?

American.

Stalin Jokes More Stalin Jokes

Why can you never trust a car made in the Soviet Union?

They keep Lenin to the left, and Stalin.

Why did the Russian man keep making excuses?

He was just stalin for time

Kansas Jokes More Kansas Jokes

Where do pirates go after they are thrown out of Kansas?

Arkansas

Why can't you find pirates in Kansas?

They all live in Arkansas

Peter Pan Jokes More Peter Pan Jokes

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

Because he Neverlands.

Why is Peter Pan such a terrible pilot?

Because he Neverlands

Reservation Jokes More Reservation Jokes

How do you get into a Native American restaurant?

OC You make a reservation

Why do Native Americans like being invited to Thanksgiving dinners?

Because usually they're stuck with reservations.

Trailer Jokes More Trailer Jokes

What do a Texas tornado and an Oklahoma divorce have in common?

Either way someone's losing a trailer.

How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?

Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer

American Jokes More American Jokes

Why do you Americans drive on the wrong side of the road?

I told him, "Dude, we literally drive on the right side."

Why are European cars the lightest?

because there's no Americans sitting in them.

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

What is the hardest part of cuting a baby in half with a straight razor?

My erection.

What do Wal mart and priests have in common?

They both have boys pants half off. I'm going to hell lol