Lose Jokes

What happens to an air conditioner when you pull its plug?

A: It loses its cool.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What do you call a penguin in the desert?

Lost.

Why did Rembrandt lose his house?

Because he was *Baroque*.

How do you lose a Football championship penalty shootout?

You Messi-up

What do you call a matador who lost to the bull?

A mat'o'gore.

What do tornadoes and redneck divorces have in common?

Either way, someone is going to end up losing a trailer.

What do you call an aardvark that's just lost a fight?

A vark!

Why was the cook late to Thanksgiving dinner?

He lost track of thyme. Happy Thanksgiving.

What's the similarity between Divorce and tornados in the Midwest?

Someone's losing their trailer

Why can't a Pirate make it through their ABC's?

They always get lost at C.

Why shouldn't violists take up mountaineering?

A: Because if they get lost it takes ages before anyone notices that they're missing.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What would be the worst possible thing to see on Reddit after losing your family in a car crash?

removed (two children)

What is a joke that so stupid that is actually funny?

There was a thread months ago but i lost it...

Why did the one eyed banker lose his job?

He didn't have any debtperception.

How did the babysitter lose 500 kids and keep her job?

She swallowed

Why did Prince William lose his cool?

He wasn't properly heir conditioned.

What did the cat say when he lost all his money ?

I'm paw !

Why did Jesus lose the basketball game?

Because Peter denied him three times.

How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?

Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer

What did the atom say when it lost an electron?

I better keep an ion that.

What is yellow and goes click-click?

A ball-point banana. Witch: Will I lose my looks as I get older Wizard: With luck yes. Witch:

What does an Arab say after losing his virginity?

Good goat!

Why did the banker dump his girlfriend?

He lost interest.

What do you call it when a hedge fund manager loses his job to a Watson inspired AI built by IBM?

It doesn't matter. We'll all be laughing too hard to care.

What do you call Michael Buble's long lost evil twin brother?

Pu-pu puble

What do you call a bottle of seltzer that lost all its bubbles?

Water...

How did Tom Brady's feel after losing to the Broncos?

Deflated

Why didn't the native Americans go out to dinner?

They lost their reservations.

What's a big game hunter?

Someone who's lost his way to the match.

What happened to the lost cattle?

Nobody's herd.

What do you call a camel in Alaska?

Lost.

What do a hurricane a tornado a fire and a divorce have in common?

They are four ways you can lose your house!

Where do I lose my Arab friends?

I don't have any Arab friends, so it doesn't matter.

How do fish lose weight?

They Swim-fast.

Why did the dog lose the lawsuit?

It was a shih-tzu

What do you call a ghost without any feet?

A lost sole

Why is an Oklahoma divorce like a Texas twister?

Somebody's 'bout to lose a trailer.

What do an anorexic girl and the UK have in common?

They both lose pounds really fast.

What did the baker say after he found the dough he had lost?

That's just what I kneaded!

What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?

A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

What do a hurricane and a divorce in Virginia have in common?

Screaming, crying, and somebody loses a trailer!

What happened to the man who went to court for making deafening noises?

He lost his hearing.

Where would you find an elephant ?

Pupil:"You don't have to find them they're too big to lose !"

How did the drunk Irish man lose 30$?

He bet 10$ on the soccer game and 20$ on the replay.

How do you make people lose faith in this sub?

This.

Why didn't the recently single goose lose her job when she made a mistake?

Because she had one heck of an ex-goose

Why did Steve Jobs lose on the X Factor?

because Sam sung better than him

How did the possessed lady lose weight?

Diet and exorcise.

Why did the vengeful fireman lose his job?

He tried fighting fire with fire.

What happened when the man lost his suspenders?

He became one of those For Whom the Belt Holds

What's the difference between my GoPro and my girlfriend?

I wouldn't spend hours looking for my girlfriend at a ski resort if I lost her on the mountain.

Where did the cat go when it lost it's tail?

To the retail store!

What do you call someone who lost an election by 2 million votes?

Mr. President.

What if weight loss supplements ads are just made by British people really transparently trying to scam you?

You'll lost 30 for only $42.82! Guaranteed.

What is the best way to get called a ,"genius?

by losing a billion dollars in business.

Did you hear that David lost his ID in prague?

Now we just have to call him Dav.

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Subordinate Jokes More Subordinate Jokes

Why did my local sandwich shop lose all of its workers??

I was told they were sick of being subordinates.

What does Santa call his English Elves?

Subordinate clauses. ... I'll see myself out.

Book Jokes More Book Jokes

What do you call a book club that has been stuck on the same book for thousands of years?

Church.

What did the doctor do after he finished reading the book?

He removed the appendix!

Kansas Jokes More Kansas Jokes

Why can't you find pirates in Kansas?

They all live in Arkansas

What's the inverse of Kansas?

Arkansas

Edit Jokes More Edit Jokes

What does a suicidal person say while leaving a party?

I want to hang by myself for a bit. Edit: Not suicidal. Just gallows humor.

What is it called when a ship attacks their own navy?

Edit: Whoops wrong sub.

Tail Jokes More Tail Jokes

What did the monkey say when he put his tail on the railroad tracks?

It's won't be long now!

Why is a pig in a water trough like a penny?

Because its head is on one side and its tail is on the other.

Paul Mc Cartney Jokes More Paul Mc Cartney Jokes

How did Paul McCartney get Linda pregnant?

C Moon

What would Paul McCartney say after losing both his legs?

Suddenly....I'm not half the man I used to be....."

Retail Store Jokes More Retail Store Jokes

Where to dogs who lost their tails go?

To a retail store.

Where do dogs go when they lose their tails?

To a retail store.

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

How does the average Chinese worker find a new job?

ChinkedIn.

How can you find the blind guy at a nudist colony?

It's not hard