Find Jokes

What kind of root is only easy to find on paper?

A square one.*

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What did the pig say when it found a fly in its soup?

Yum Yum."

What's the worst part about going to the doctor's and finding out you have diabetes?

You don't get a lollipop afterwards :/

How do you find your dog if he's lost in the woods ?

Put your ear up to a tree and listen for the bark !

Why do girls like me more when i'm preparing potatoes?

Because they find me more appealing.

What did Sloth say when he found gold?

AU GUYS!!!

Why did the raisin take the prune to the new year's ball?

Because he couldn't find a date!

Why did the plant use a dating service?

To find its stomate!

Why did the bunny find some extra green in his paycheck?

Because he put in a little extra clovertime.

Why are test tube manufacturers always single?

People just seem to find them vial!

What brown, steams, and can be found under a piano stool?

Beethoven's last movement.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What's 41 times 11?

I can't find the answer anywhere.

How'd you find out?

G:"I'm on both."

Why couldn't the FBI find Sepp Blatter's bribe money?

He used it all to bribe Canada to host the Women's World Cup.

What is a crack head's favourite song?

Q: What is a crack head's favourite song A: I wanna rock!!! Well I found it funny anyway..

Why is revenge a dish best served with honey?

Because honey is what you find at the end of bee trails (betrayals)

What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with triplets?

A: She went looking for the three guys.

Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome a good lover and a stimulating partner?

A. In the pages of a romance novel.

Why did the Naval Inspector fail the submarine?

Because he found it to be SUB-standard.

Where do you usually find dogs?

It all depends on where you lose them.

Why did it take so long to find the bodies of the black firefighters after the building they were in caught fire and collapsed?

Cause the building collapsed, duh.

Why can't Caitlyn Jenner's kids ever find her?

Because she's Transparent.

How do you find a white person in the condiment aisle?

A: UM EXCUSE YOU THAT'S RACIST!!!!----oh look, there they are!

What's good for the soul and rarely found in America?

A sense of humor.

What do you find on a beach?

A tangent.

Why did the clown cross the road?

A: To find his rubber chicken.

Where do you find 60 million french jokes?

A: In France.

Where did people find out that Pluto was no longer a planet?

The orbituaries.

Why was the army recruiter in the nursery?

To find more people for the infantry! I'm sorry.

Why couldn't Bing start a fire?

No matches founds

Why do you love me?

Wife: *shrugs* Me: Why do you find me annoying Wife: *reveals six spreadsheets and a pie chart*

Who's got two thumbs and finds this joke funny?

Not this guy!" -Thumb amputee victim

Why was the blonde crawling on the ground in the shop?

She was trying to find the lowest prices

How can you find a fag in a newspaper?

It's not hard.

This joke may have profanity.

How can you get out of a locked room with a piano in it?

A: Play the piano until you find the right key.

What do you call a corn farmer who wakes up one morning to find that complex branching pathways have been cut into his field?

amaized.

Why were Wrigley, Doublemint, and Orbit watching CNN?

To find out the latest on gum control legislation.

Why couldn't the t-rex find a mate?

Because he had a reptile dysfunction.

Why does everyone find the absolute value of zero so funny?

l0l

What did the chemist say when he found out his two pet dogs died?

Barium

How does an Arab farmer find his goat in the sand dunes?

Very satisfying.

What did the slaughterhouse foreman say when he found out his best butcher had his heart, lungs and kidneys ripped out in a cutter accident?

That's offal

Why did the IT guy want to be an astronaut?

So he can find router space.

How are beer nuts like deer nuts?

You can find a small bag of each under a buck.

Where do you find the Bible in a library?

Fiction".

What musical instrument can be found in nearly every Bathroom?

A tuba toothpaste.

What did Fred from 'Scooby Doo' say when Mystery Inc. finally found a mystery that was too scary for them to solve?

2scooby4doo

How Many Running Backs Does It Take To Turn On A Light?

Two. One to find the switch...the other to hit it.

What did the hamburger say when it found out that most people liked hamburgers better than frankfurters?

Hot dog!'

Why are furries always found guilty at trial?

A furry curries only fury from a jury.

What Pokemon can you find at Auschwitz?

Gastly

What do you find in a cloud's shorts?

Thunderpants!

What time zone are you in when you find a sheep stuck in a fence?

Mountin' time

Knock Knock. Who's there? Beaver E! Beaver E who?

Beaver E quiet and nobody will find us!

Why is it hard for Arab men to have a guy's night out?

They have to find babysitters for their wives.

Where do you find an old Onion article?

In thier archives.

What do you usually find with four Catholics?

A fifth.

Why did the Red sea not find a good husband?

because she was too shallow.

What do you find in the filing cabinets of a law firm?

Organised crime.

What do you call a dictatorship founded on the principles of Ethos, Logos & Pathos?

An Aristotalitarian Regime.

Why did the walrus go to the container store?

To find a tight seal.

What's worse than finding a hole in your condom?

Finding a condom in your hole!

Why couldn't people find Joseph?

He was Haydn!

What did the librarian say to the travel agent?

Find what you're booking for

Who's the wost president ever?

Guess we'll find out in January.

Why, what happened, officer?

He wasn't white and that wasn't right, we found he was black, and that was whack, so we shot him in the back.

How does a Priest find a little boy in the woods?

Very exciting

How many Iraqis does it take to launch a Scud missile?

Two. One to launch it one to watch CNN to find out where it landed.

What did the man do after being found guilty of sabotaging the moon mission?

A: He Apollo-gized.

How do you find where a flea has bitten you ?

Start from scratch !

What would she do for $20?

Wasn't there a joke before posted about asking what a girl would do for $20 or something A dirty joke I'm trying to find it but I can't....

Why was the women unable to leave the boutique?

She couldn't find the Dior

Why are books about the social contract and demand-side economics so hard to find?

Because they're kept firmly under Locke and Keynes.

What did the man do after being found guilty of sabotaging the moonmission?

He Apollo-gized.

What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long has a head on it and that women love so much that they often blow it?

A: a $20 bill

Where do chicken strips find love?

Chicken tinder Thank you, to Popeye's Louisiana Kitchen's official Instagram for this gem

How did you find the fleas?

Beagle: I didn't! They found me!

Why are you so upset?

It's just hair. I'm the one that's gotta find a new girlfriend."

How did the farmer find his lost cow?

He tractor down

What do you find in an empty nose?

Fingerprints.

How do you find white shirts on the Internet?

Use a starch engine.

What did the pig say when he found a line of ants in his trough?

Mmm. Canapes."

What did the electrical engineer do when she found out that she hadn't won the lottery?

She soldered on.

What should you do if you find a snake in your bed?

Sleep in the wardrobe.

How many Dragon Ball Z episodes does it take to change a lightbulb?

Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z***

How did Bill Cosby find his daughter in the woods?

A: Pretty good

What is the name of the flower you find between your nose and your chin?

A: Tulips.

Why do people find Anne Frank so attractive?

Because she is smoking hot

Where would you find an algebraic Sailors hat?

Indice

Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?

A. So they can find their way back to the house.

Why don't we wait for life on other planets to find us?

Why do we have to do all the work

What's worse than finding a dead baby in the garbage can?

Finding a dead baby in the recycle bin.

What do gamers who switch consoles and mathematicians have in common?

They both have problems finding x.

Why can a number divided by zero never be found in the dictionary?

Because it's undefined.

What did Waldo say at the Superbowl?

I'm just here so I won't get find.

How did the farmer find his girlfriend?

He tractor!

Why did the seal make a Tinder account?

To find a Significant Otter.

Why is women's soccer so rare?

It's quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit.

How does the average Chinese worker find a new job?

ChinkedIn.

What did the mom say when she found out her son was going to be a evil spy?

Abort mission!

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Try Jokes More Try Jokes

Why didn't the black kid play Pokemon?

He was afraid they were trying to catch Jamal.

How did the mobster burn his lips on a tailpipe?

He tried to blow up a police car.

Vein Jokes More Vein Jokes

What's worse than finding half a worm in an apple?

Finding a vein in a hot dog.

What is the proudest body part?

the veins

Position Jokes More Position Jokes

What's your heigth and position?

Pilot: Well I'm 6 foot tall and I'm sitting front left.

What position does your brother play in the school football team ?

Jay: I think he's one of the drawbacks !

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

What do you call it when two Mexicans were in a car accident and one had both legs amputated?

Juan and a half

What do Michael Jackson and Walmart have in common?

They both have little boys' jeans half off.

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

What does a redditer say when he reads a joke on r/jokes?

We saw that same joke two days ago

What do you call jokes about eyes?

Vitreous humour.

Trash Bin Jokes More Trash Bin Jokes

What is worse than finding 100 dead babies in a trash bin?

Finding 1 dead Baby in 100 trash bins.

What's the difference between a feminist and a trash bin?

The trash gets taken out once a week.

3 Jokes More 3 Jokes

What are the most common 3 words used all around the world?

Made in China.

What has 16 balls and 3 pubic hairs?

A sleepover at Michael Jacksons house

100 Jokes More 100 Jokes