Man Jokes

What do you mean what do I mean?" replied the man. He went on to explain "My son has half my genes, that makes him my half-son." The woman he was talking to decided he was crazy and without replying walked past him. She looked back and noticed his neck was red, after all it was a sunny day.

What's the difference between a man falling from 100ft and a man falling from 10ft ?

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - SMACK SMACK - aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

What do you call a man holding two apples in one hand and three oranges in another?

No chance of blocking an uppercut.

What do you call a man who loves a woman for her brains?

A zombie.

How many "a man walks into a bar" jokes does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but you can be sure a whole Reddit community will appear to expand the joke, make it funnier and eventually run it into the ground.

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None, the beer should be open by the time she has brought it to you.

What do you call a man who's always in high spirits?

An alcoholic.

What is the difference between a man falling from a 2nd floor and a man falling from an 8th floor?

That the man that falls from the 2nd floor does: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH While the man falling from the 8th floor does: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

What do you call a man who wears crisp packets as trousers?

Russell.

How Does a Woman Make a Man a Millionaire?

When he's a billionaire.

Why are you late?

Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?

Bob.

What did the man say after he forgot to pull out?

I regret nutting!!!

Why did the man break up with his girlfriend who had a lazy eye?

Because she was seeing somebody on the side.

What's the difference between a woman and a man?

A woman will buy something on sale even if she doesn't need it. A man will buy something he needs at full price. Then, what is the difference between a black woman and a black man? The black woman will steal something she doesn't need. The black man goes to jail because you can't hide diapers under a shirt.

What's in a white mans pants and more than 4 inches long?

Nothing

What do you do when you see a fire man?

Put it out man!

What happened to the man with two wooden legs whose house burnt down?

He fell on his ash.

What did the fly say to the other fly?

Your man is open!"

What is a woman ?

Man with a uterus somewhere

Why did the man build his house out of a tree instead of bricks?

Because he thought it wood look better!

What's the difference between a golf ball and a woman's G-Spot?

A man will spend half an hour looking for a golf ball.

This joke may have profanity.

What is more inappropriate than a 7 year old saying "I drink coffee"?

Her saying "I drink it black, like my men"

What did the man who ate a clock say?

That was time consuming but I still want seconds.

Why didn't the life guard save the hippy?

Beacuse he was to "far out man".

Why are there so many more men in the military?

Because ladies go in first.

How many possibilities does a man with no arms and legs have?

Limbitless

What did the giant wave say to the man?

Nothing he just waved. Sea what I did there? Sorry sometimes I get a bit carried away, it like a tsunami of puns. Water these puns! they're horrible, I'll stop now.

What is the difference between a man and a woman?

What sentence did the man who took 2 minutes to turn around get?

Man .

What has 2 legs but doesn't use them?

A man named Bob running down a train track (only Asians will understand)

Why did the hippie lifeguard not save the drowning boy?

He was too far out man!!

Why couldn't the cop save the hippie from drowning?

He was too far out man

What three words will emasculate any man?

A: Hold my purse.

Why did Erdogan stop a man from jumping off a bridge?

One does not simply fly in Turkish airspace without Erdogan's permission.

Why is Santa Claus always a man?

Because no woman will wear same dress year after year for same occasion.

What kind of Aircraft is into Men and Women?

A Biplane.

What do you call a whore house with only men?

A bro-thel

This joke may have profanity.

How does a woman fix a ceiling problem?

She complains to a man.

What is the only man made object visible from space?

Holland.

Where's your bin?

A man sees that his neigjhbnour doesn't have his wheeled trash bin. "Hey bub, where's ya bin" "I took a little vacation for a few weeks," "No. I meant where's your bin?" "Told ya, vacation, at the beach!" "No man. Where's ya wheely bin?" "Ok, fine! I've wheely been to jail! Happy now?"

What do you call a Russian sovereign with dwarfism and a taste for both men and women?

A little bizar

What did the SJW say to the man who appropriated culture?

That's inappropriate.

What did Nietzsche tell his editor when he finished writing Thus Spoke Zarathustra?

It's over, man.

What did the English man say when he walked in on his wife making love to three men?

Ello, 'ello, 'ello!

Why is it illegal for a man living in North Carolina to be buried in South Carolina?

Because he's alive.

What did the man who invented the bum shaking machine realize when he turned it on?

It twerked.

Why does society think less of a man when he strikes a woman instead of sparing them?

Because a strike only requires one ball while a spare requires two balls

What's the difference between a man who owns a gun and a man who owns a bank?

A man with a gun can rob a bank. A man with a bank can rob the world. (Disclaimer: reword of someone else's post to FB today.)

What did one renewable power source say to the other?

How did I wind up here I don't know man just go with the flow.

Why was the G-Spot Club not making profit in the nightclub business?

Most men couldn't find it.

This joke may have profanity.

How can you tell that Caitlyn Jenner was once a man?

Because she's better at being a woman than most women are.

What's his name?

A man walks into a bedroom and sees a hot, naked woman lying face-down on the bed. Q: What's his name? A: Willie Turner Q: What's name? A: Betty Will

What did the man say when the lobster gave him food poisoning?

I'm not letting you cook dinner again

What did Captain Cook say to his men just before they got back in the ship?

Get back in the ship, men!"

How do they separate the men from the boys in Athens?

With a crowbar.

What did the fish say to the man draining its aquarium?

WATER YOU DOING

What's the difference between Will Ferrell and a man with erectile dysfunction?

What's the difference between Will Ferrell and a man with erectile dysfunction? One can... "Get Hard"

Why don't men want to go down on a woman first thing in the morning?

have you ever tried to peel apart a grilled cheese?

Why did the man with bronchitis get cremated..?

he was tired of coffin.

Why are women's feet smaller than men's?

So they can stand closer to the sink.

What do you call a farmer who is really good at his job?

A man who is outstanding in his field.

What's one thing a man doesn't want to hear the morning after?

Yes, I'm completely sure.

What is it called when a man molests with each release?

Per version.

What happened when the man fell in love with his garden?

It made him wed his plants!

What can happen when a car breaks down?

A woman's car breaks down on a busy highway. She manages to ease it over to the shoulder and gets out and opens the trunk. Immediately two men clothed only in trench coats leap out and begin to open and close their coats, exposing themselves to the oncoming traffic. Pretty soon a police officer stops. "What's going on here?" the cop asks. "My car just broke down," the woman responds. "NO, I mean those two guys," the cop continues. "Oh," the woman replies, "they're just my emergency flashers."

Why didn't the man buy Velcro shoes?

because they were a rip off

What's your funniest yet least known joke?

I have a friend that absolutely loves cheesy, question and answer jokes and I wanna make a card with a list of them! The problem is that she knows just about every joke known to man so I challenge you to give me hilarious, short jokes that aren't very widely known. Make me laugh!

What's the difference between a well dressed man and a tired dog?

The man wears a full suit, the dog just pants

What do you call a man that brews beer?

A Hebrew.

What did the man say to the bee who wanted to learn the alphabet?

Nothing lmao bees cant learn.

Why did the man quit working at the cemetery?

It was hard to make a living.

What does the man with two left feet ask the shoe salesman?

Do you sell flip-flips?"

What is the most painful cereal known to man kind?

Banana Nut Crunch.

What did the shirt say to the pants zipper?

Your so fly man

What did the man in the "Race for a Cure" say to the three people beside him?

we're walking four abreast."

Why did the man put his car in the oven?

Because he wanted a hot rod.

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Car Jokes More Car Jokes

What do you get if you cross a Green Lantern, a car and an atheist?

Willing suspension of disbelief.

What car does Woody drive?

AUDI ADUI ADUI!

Black Man Jokes More Black Man Jokes

Why are there many black people hanging around my family tree?

because im a black man you racist

How many black men does it take to screw in a light-bulb?

Just 1 because we are all equal and race has no impact.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

Whats the difference between an Irish Party and an Irish Funeral?

One less drunken Irishman

What's the difference between a deaf person and an Italian?

One talks with their hands and makes goofy noises at random volumes, and the other can't hear.

Bank Jokes More Bank Jokes

Why does Bank of America not have a backspace on the ATM keypad?

Because America is never wrong.

Why does the addict avoid going to the bank?

Because he suffers from cash withdrawals.

Yellow House Jokes More Yellow House Jokes

Who lives there?

The yellow man lives in the yellow house. The purple man lives in the purple house. The red man in the red house. And the blue man in the blue house. So who lives in the White House? The black man. It's better in person, I'm so sorry.

Who lives in the green house?

Me: I don't know Her: The green guy! Who lives in the red house? Me: The red guy Her: Yes! Who lives in the blue house? Me: The blue guy Her: Yeah! Who lives in the yellow house? Me: The yellow guy Her: Who lives in the white house? Now since I've heard this "riddle" before, I knew the trick answer. I was ready to answer The President! when my uncle blurted out: The black guy!!

Gun Jokes More Gun Jokes