Date Jokes

What do you call it when one piece of coal asks another piece of coal out to dinner?

Carbon dating.

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When I was young, I wanted to date a doctor for money. How superficial was that?

Now it would be for the prescriptions.

How's your love life?

Well, I went on a date. 45 minutes in I realized it was a turtle in a wig. "I'm sorry man" it's ok. still got laid.

How can people get engaged after dating less than a year?

You haven't seen their fall wardrobe yet and tbh it could be a deal breaker

Where do lightning bolts go on dates?

To cloud 9

What is your date of birth?

Witness: "July 15th." Lawyer: "What year " Witness: "Every year."

Why did the banana go out with the prune?

Because he couldn't find a date.

Why did the Pasta join a dating website?

Because he was cannelloni.

What's the best thing about dating a homeless woman?

When ur done, u can drop her off anywhere.

What is an out of date joke you still remember?

One from the 90's: What do you call a little burro A Burrito. What do you call a little taco A Taquito What do you call a little judge A Judge Ito

How do you impress a baker when you're taking his daughter on a date?

Bring her flours

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Why can't Kylo Ren get a date?

Because he has always Ben Solo.

Why do single people take dating advice from other single people?

That's like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions.

What do Iraqi men do that gets them laid on the first date?

They give their women awesome Dinar.

What do I and Y2K have in common?

Neither of us can get a date right

How can you tell when a blonde is dating?

A: By the buckle print on her forehead.

Why couldn't Princess Leia get any dates?

She was looking for Alderaan men.

What does the date inside of a wedding ring stand for?

best before...

How does Rhianna look after a date with Chris Brown?

White and gold.

Why didn't the girl go on a date with the artist?

Because he was sketchy.

What did the one electron say to the other when it asked it out on a date?

Get outta here, I'm not attracted to you!

What did the bear say to her date?

I'll be down in a minute I'm bearly dressed"

Why is it hard dating an astronaut?

Because they have space issues.

What is Josh Duggar's second favorite dating website after Ashley-Madison?

Ancestry.com

Why should you never date a vegan girl?

She won't swallow.

How many trains have you derailed to date?

I replied "It's hard to keep track."

Why can't rock climbing instructors get dates?

Because they rappel men and women.

When I'm with a handsome man I get all nervous & involuntarily start speaking French ME leans across Oh really?

DATE: Yes

How many children do I want to have?

Kind of a weird question for a first date, but umm I guess enough to finish the temple

Why did Superman dump Lois for Wonder Woman?

He decided he wanted to date someone in the same League.

Whats a farmers best dating advice?

A tractor

What's the best part about dating twenty two year olds?

There are 20 of them.

What's it called when a super model wants to date an accountant?

Wishful thinking. Obviously

Why couldn't the woman date a German man?

Because she was Klaustrophobic!

Why did the raisin take the prune to the new year's ball?

Because he couldn't find a date!

Why did the plant use a dating service?

To find its stomate!

What do history teachers make when they want to get together?

Dates!

What do you get when you subtract the date and time that Tony Stark built an AI from the current date and time?

The Age Of Ultron.

Why did the strawberry go out with the pineapple?

Because he couldn't get a date!

How did the date go?

Not good. Aww what went wrong -*thinks back to accidentally popping a zit into her soup* She just wasn't my type.

How was your date?

She hated my poncho.

Why did the punctuation mark have such an easy time going out with other punctuation marks?

It was a comma dating.

What did the girl sea say when the boy sea asked her for a date?

Shore.

Why won't a woman sleep with you after a date at Burger King?

Because you have to court her before you pound her.

What did the Siamese twins from Iowa tell their date?

It's February 1st. You going to caucas or not

What's on your mind?

it's like dating someone with low self-esteem.

How did you know that the janitors were dating?

They were caught sweeping together.

Why do programmers like to concatenate time stamps?

It's the only way they can get a string of dates.

Why can't iron oxide get a date?

Porque es FeO Little bilingual chemistry joke for you guys.

What's the best part of dating a quadriplegic?

Spinning her like a top when she rides you cowboy style.

Why should you never date an atom?

The split is gonna be explosive

What's your favorite movie?

DATE: Girl Interupt- ME: *drops fork* What is it DATE: Girl Interu- ME: *burps* Sorry. Go on. DATE: Fargo

When I was young I wanted to date a doctor for money. Can you believe how superficial I was?

Now I would date him for the prescriptions.

What's the difference between dating a redhead and putting your hand in a blender?

Answer: There's always a 50/50 chance the blender isn't on

Why did I need to bring a shovel on my first date?

Clearly the chloroform wasn't enough.

Why couldn't the Tuba player get a date?

He was too low key.

How'd the date go?

Not good. Too many red flags. *Flashback to her house being covered with USSR flags* I think she might be a communist.

What did the fisherman do on his date?

Netfish and krill

What do your internal organs call their dating life?

Their homie-hoe-status

What's the best part of dating 29 year olds?

There's 20 of them. (More funny out loud)

Why should you never take a pig out on a date?

She might squeal on you.

What do you call two diamonds in a healthy relationship?

Carbon dating

What do you call an elephant that doesn't keep up to date?

irrelephant

Where do wind gusts go to on dates?

To Chicago

What does a man of 35 think of?

Dating children.

What's the best part about dating a homeless chick?

You can drop her off wherever.

What's the best month for dating?

Sep-tinder!

What did Helen Keller's friend say to her?

offensive) You should try blind dating.

How do dating sites in Alabama save money?

They link to Ancestry.com

What did Jay Z call his girlfriend when they were dating?

A Feyonce

What's the best part about dating a terminally ill cancer patient?

They are their own birth control

When is the only time a white NFL wide receiver is a good thing?

When your sister tells you she's dating an NFL wide receiver.

Why couldn't the Chinese geologist find a date?

He was vehemently opposed to wrong rocks on the beach.

What's it called when a smell dates his sister?

Incense!

Why should you date a girl who is good with her hands and plays soccer?

Because she's probably a keeper.

How to have an unforgettable date?

1. Have a date. 2. Try not to forget it.

What is the date in Germany/Brasil in about a month from now?

Germany/Brasil 7-1

Why couldn't the traffic light get a date?

She was wearing no turn on red. :

Why did the raisin go out with a prune?

He couldn't get a date!

What's the worst part about dating a Japanese girl?

When you break up with her, you have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.

What brings you to speed dating?

Me: I just ran out of the fancy shampoo my previous GF bought for me.

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