Muslim Jokes

Why are most Muslims broke all the time?

They never understood the concept of piggy banks.

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Where do Muslim hipsters shop for clothes?

Turban Outfitters!

What do you call a Muslim woman without a burka?

Dead.

Why are muslim people so kind-hearted?

Because they don't live long, especially when they're a bomb

How Many Muslim Women Does it Take to Screw In a Light Bulb?

Silly, Muslim Women aren't allowed to screw in light bulbs.

What do you get when a Mexican and Muslim have a child?

A kid who loves halalpenos

What does a ninja and a muslim woman have in common?

They're both invisible.

How do Muslims seperate the men from the boys?

With a crowbar.

Why is a praying muslim like apple pie with ice cream?

Both are in *a la mode*.

What did the moderate muslim say to the radical muslim?

Hello friend!

How do you blow up a Muslim's iPhone?

Put it into airplane mode.

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What did the drunker muslim say to the drunk muslim?

I'm Mohammad than you

What does the Army call it's Muslim infantry units with vehicles?

Mecca-nized infantry.

Why are muslim charities the worst to donate to?

Because they are for prophet.

Why was the Muslim arrested for speeding during Ramadan?

Because he was going *to fast*!

Why shouldn't you invest in muslim-owned businesses?

They never show a prophet.

When is the only time a Muslim bets?

When there is a prophet involved.

Why can't the Muslim crossdresser feed his family?

He lost hijab.

What's the difference between a Muslim woman and an American one?

An American woman gets stoned *before* she commits adultery.

What did the Muslim Terrorist say when he bombed Hawaii?

Oahu Akbar!

What will it be!?

The Muslim replies, "Shots for everyone!"

Why don't Muslims have dirty minds?

Because they're so easily brainwashed.

What happened to the muslim who smoked weed?

They got stoned

What do Muslim children color with?

A Quran

What do you call a Muslim flying an airplane?

A pilot you racist freaks!

Why aren't there any Muslims in Star Trek?

Because it's the future

What religion do mosquitoes follow?

Muslim, because they go to a mosque...ito. Sorry.

What did the Klansman say to the Muslim?

Psst...Who washes your ... sheets

What did the muslim woman say to her new fiance?

Jihad me at hello.

What does a Muslim cowboy shout on his horse?

Jee hawd!!!!!!!!!!

What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats?

A pimp

What do you call non-muslims that rides motorcycle?

Kafir rider

How do you know a Muslim is lying?

their lips are moving

What's a Muslim's favourite musician?

Shari'ah Carey

What kind of weed do muslims smoke?

Quranic

What's a muslim's favourite game?

Goat Stimulator

What do you call a Muslim with a kebab?

A kaBOMB...*hah*

What does a Muslim have if they hate their god?

An Allahgy

How do Muslims close a door?

Islams it.

What do you call a muslim holocaust?

Sand Sanitizer.

What should planes be made of to fend off islamists?

Allahminium! Since Muslims cant desecrate anything with Allah on it!

How do you order food at a Muslim restaurant?

Allah carte.

How is a Muslim at Ramadan like Sonic the Hedgehog?

They both gotta go fast.

What do you call a Muslim abortion clinic?

Counter-terrorism

This joke may have profanity.

What's the most commonly used Muslim woman punch called?

Hijab

Where does a Muslim learn to swim?

Inshallah water.

Why don't Muslims fight each other often?

Cause they don't want no beef Edit: I'm going to crawl back into my hole now

What does a Muslim magician say before his trick?

Araba-cadabra

What did one radical muslim say to the other after a successful day of bombings?

Jihad a chance, and you blew it.

What's The Difference Between Santa and a Muslim?

Santa will be able to enter the united states next year!

How do Muslims like their food served?

Allah Carte

What do you call a half Irish half Muslim husband?

O'Pressive.

Why are socially-aware western tourists avoiding Nice, France for their late-summer getaways?

All that Muslim hatred can really run you down.

What does a Muslim man call a girl he is living in sin with?

Haram bea

How do you unite both the Catholics and Protestants in Ireland?

By sending in millions of Muslims

What do you call a Muslim optometrist who has no regards for his patients?

Asif Eyecare

What happened to the muslim critic?

He blew everything out of proportion!

What do you call a Muslim who's always late for everything?

9/12

Why don't you ever see any Muslim methheads?

They all just get stoned instead.

What's the difference between an Hawaiin and a Muslim ?

One always offer a snack bar after saying hello

What's the most believed oxymoron?

Peaceful muslims

What is its Muslim equivalent?

A kaboom!

What do you call a Muslim man's fifth wife?

Harambae

Why don't Middle Eastern dogs bite as often?

Because they Muslim.

Why are Mormons more like Muslims than they are like Christians?

Christians are not-for-prophet organizations.

Why are Muslim men allowed 4 wives?

Because "Islam gives women equal rights!"

What do you call a fast food joint that caters specifically to muslims?

Allahuh Snackbar

How do you pick up a Muslim girl?

Piece by piece

What's the difference between a microwave and a Muslim?

A microwave doesn't blow up every time the timer goes off.

Why do Mexican and Muslim jokes all sound the same?

Cause if you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal. Ba da Tissssssss

What are Muslim men's favorite mathematical equation?

Inequalities

What does a muslim man call a woman he wants to sleep with, but can't due to religious reasons?

Harambae

What did the Muslim on a surfboard say?

Aloha Akbar!

What do you call a Muslim who is also a pilot?

Greg if you're a friend, Gregory if you were introduced, Mr. Abdalla if you're doing business with one another.

How does a Muslim get a hot date?

He puts it in the microwave. EDIT: Looks like you guys are real dim....

What do you call a Muslim woman with an opinion?

A corpse.

What do you call a Muslim who always makes mistakes?

Errorist

What is the only type of alcohol muslims are allowed to drink?

TAKBEER!

What do Muslim gamers say at the start of Ramadan?

Gotta go fast!"

How did the Muslim find the goat in the field?

Very Satisfying.

Why couldn't Muhammad pick his wife up from childcare?

Because Muslim girls can't go to school

Who's driving the car?

Theres a muslim a mexican and black guy in a car, whos driving .. **The cops**

Who makes the best photo bombers?

Muslims

How does a Muslim shut a door?

Islams it.

What s a Muslim s favorite cologne?

GERMANY!!!!

What is a Muslims favourite video game?

Goat simulator

What do you call a Muslim who plays '50s rock music during Ramadan?

a Rama-dana-ding-dong

Who would still buy a Note 7 after all the controversy?

A Muslim

What bee is forbidden to the Muslims?

Haram-bee

What's Lance Armstrong's favorite pen brand?

Uniball. What's a Muslim's favorite pen Arab Bic. What's a deaf-mute's favorite pen Pentel.

What do you call a Muslim ganglord with a penchant for Noodles?

Ramendon

What do you call an angry Muslim in Ramadan?

Fastin' Furious

Why do Muslims hate Reddit?

Haram be everywhere

Why did the Muslim take his Note 7 onto an airplane?

Do I really have to answer that Who doesn't bring their phone with them when they travel

What does a Muslim pirate say?

Allahu Ackbarrrrr!

What does a Muslim with allergies say?

Al-achoo Akbar.

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Goat Jokes More Goat Jokes

What did the Arab say to his goat?

Jihad Me at hello

What do you get... What do you get when you try to inject Human DNA into a goat?

Banned from the petting zoo, apparently.

Fry List Jokes More Fry List Jokes

Why was the healthy potato not allowed on the plane?

He was on the "No Fry" list.

Why does KFC only sell christian chicken?

Because the muslim ones are on the no-fry list.

Kfc Jokes More Kfc Jokes

Why did the chicken go to KFC?

A: He wanted to see a chicken strip.

Why do black people always finish first in a running race?

There's a KFC at the end of the finish line.

Explode Jokes More Explode Jokes

What's the difference between a puppy and a kernel of corn?

Nothing. They both explode when nuked in the microwave.

What's the difference between a stoner and a Muslim?

When stoners are smoking, they don't explode.

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why do Newfies want Qubec to separate?

So it's a shorter drive to Toronto!

Why did the man tear a page out of the calendar?

He wanted to take a month off.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How do you know a drummer is at your door?

The knock speeds up.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between GTA V Online and a non-essential government employee?

Nothing neither one has been working since Tuesday...

What's the difference between a Volvo and a Mercedes?

Princess Diana wouldn't be caught dead in a Volvo

Tickle Jokes More Tickle Jokes

How do u get a pool table to laugh?

tickle its balls.

How do you make an octopus laugh?

Give it ten tickles