Love Jokes

What does a man who loves his car do on February 14?

He gives it a valenshine!

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Coffee Mug

What do you call a dog who loves to be dominated?

A sub woofer. Thank you & God Bless

Why do pigs love Halloween?

There's lots of hogsgobblin.

Why does a walrus love Tupperware?

Because he's always looking for a tight seal.

Where the hell are u?

ME: Well...u know that shop where u saw that ring you love W: OMG YES M: I'm catching Pokemon near there

What happens when a question mark and an exclamation mark love each other very much?

They interrobang!(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interrobang)

What's a man?

Dad: A man is who loves unconditionally , cares about you and protects you. Kid: When i grow up, I'll be a man like mom

What do cannonballs do when they fall in love?

They make bbs

What did the painter say to her boyfriend?

I love you with all my art!"

What do I love about living in Switzerland?

The flag is a big plus.

Whats the difference between Love and Herpes?

Your mother didn't give you love.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Coffee Mug

Who is that Idiot..?

If Boy is in love - His parent Ask: Idiot, Who is that Girl.. Moral :: No matter who ever is in love... Boys Are Always Idiot :P (LOL)

Why is wintertime love making in Scandinavia dangerous?

Your tongue might get stuck to a Pole.

What do you call The Bear who loves philosophy?

winnie the Philosopooh

Why do fencers love Reddit?

Because of all the *ripostes*

Why did Darwin love CSS?

Because children inherit properties from their parents.

What's the Easter Bunny's favorite song?

Don't you want some bunny to love"

Why did the peace-loving incandescent bulb reject the candle and choose the fluorescent lamp as role model?

The fluorescent lamp wouldn't hurt a fly.

Why do rednecks love Halloween?

NSFW) Because they love to pump kin.

This joke may have profanity.

What's yer Rush Limbaugh?

Get back to me immediately and tell me if you love it or just like it.

Why did you make women so beautiful?

God:"So you would love her." Man:"Then why did you make her so dumb " God:"So she would love you."

Who says you can't make someone love you?

I've got a bottle of Scotch, some duct tape and a fresh batch of cupcakes, that beg to differ.

What sort of aircraft does the Asian pilot who loves to greet people fly?

A herrocopter

Why does God love atheists?

Because they don't bother Him with incessant prayer.

Why don't you ever callout my name when we're making love?

Husband: "Because I don't want to wake you."

What does cats and festival attendees have in common?

They both love using the toilet right after it's been cleaned.

What do you call two couches that are in love with each other?

Homosectionals.

How would you describe that green sheep?

Me: I don't know. Olive ewe Her: I knew you'd say it first! I love you too! Entrapment 101

What do you call 2 metalheads falling in love?

A match maiden heaven

Why do so many girls do archaeology degrees?

Because they love digging up the past.

Why does Bear Grylls love Bud Light?

It's sterile and he likes the taste.

Why does Axl Rose love to carry around The Scarlet Letter?

Because every Rose has its Hawthorne

What does love mean to a tennis player?

Nothing

Why did the witch go to the psychiatrist?

Because she thought everybody loved her.

Why did the schoolteacher who was in love with head of the school take out a loan with the bank?

A: Because she had an interest in the principal.

Why was everyone saying such kind, loving words to the man?

The man was a corpse being buried forever.

Why do the Dutch people love..... Why do the Dutch people love the Belgian-jokes so much?

They are cheap.

How can you tell elephants love to travel ?

They are always packing their trunk !

Why is everyone so obsessed with the idea of love?

If you're dying to be hurt so badly, I've got a baseball bat for that.

What did the green light say to the red light?

I love you, but I'm sick of yellow light always breaking us up.

What would Arnold Schwarzenegger say if you asked him his favorite holiday?

You have to love easter, baby." (OC)

Why I love duct tape?

It can turn "No, no no!" into "mmph, mmmph, mmmph"

What's roughly 6 inches long, has a head on it, and women love it so much that they often blow it?

A 20 dollar bill

What is the definition of "making love"?

Something a woman does while a guy is screwing her.

Why were the welder and stoner such good friends?

They both love to spark up joints.

Where do Koalas love to go for a holiday?

Koala Lumpur.

Why can't you trust a garbage man who loves his job?

Because he's always talking trash.

What did the pirate's ghost say to his girlfriend?

I love your Boo-ty

What do Lena Dunham &amp ISIS have in common ?

They both love stoning women.

What's the procrastinator's favorite song?

Tooomorrow, tomorrow, I love yah, tomorrow.." (You're always a day away)

Why do some people love their VW diesel cars?

Well, it's the official car of the New England Patriots after all.

Why'd you call me Aphrodite?

After the Greek goddess of love" Kid 2: What about me pop "You're named after a famous chipmunk Alvin"

Who does the butcher look forward to seeing after a tough day at work?

His loving knife.

Why did the little piglet fall in love with the hog?

Because he was such a sloppy dresser.

Why do rednecks love sandwiches?

Because they're inbred too.

What did one amorous flea say to the other?

I love you aw-flea.

What did the ireshmen say to the beer ?

I love you.....

What's a pirate's favorite programming language?

You might think it's R, but his first love has always been the C.

What do you call a Mexican girl who loves to sleep around?

A Burrithoe

What do you call a soda in love?

A Crush

Why do women love men who work with Horses?

Because those men have got Stable jobs.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they make love?

Because they have cotton balls.

What do alcoholics and necropheliacs have in common?

They both love to crack open a cold one.

Why do neckbeard dentists love Cats the musical?

Because m'cavity.

What mom loves... Son: Mom, why is my cousin's name rose?

Mom: Well son, your aunt really loves flowers! Son: Mom, what do you love Mom: Richard, stop asking so many questions!

What the hell am I doing here?

I don't belong here. GUY: I love that song. ME: What song

What is about 6 in long, has a head, girls love to blow it, and is in a guys pants?

a dollar bill you dirty minded people!! LMFAO

What's being in love feel like?

You know when someone cancels plans you wanted to cancel anyway Almost as good as that.

What is the official bird of love?

The Swallow.

Why did Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond never get a divorce?

She didn't want an ex Ray Edit: I meant debra

How much does Jesus love you?

Thiiiiiiis much. (Must be said while arms are raised out to side)

How can you celebrate Christmas if you don't believe in God?

I responded with, "How can you celebrate Valentine's Day if nobody loves you "

What do you call someone who loves Christmas but doubts the existence of God?

Eggnog-stic.

What's your opener?

JESUS: "God loves you." You BUDDHA (crumpling paper that says Life Is Suffering): Me too

How do porcupines make love?

Very, very carefully.

Why did the girltree fall in love with the boy tree?

He was sappy

Why do blck men cry when they make love to white women?

Mace...

Why is Paris the city of love?

Hard P and a soft A. Modified from comment section of reddit

Where would you find the scientist who loved to f$k dogs?

In the lab.

Why did Spock dump his wife?

because William Shatner I know it's old, but I love it so

What music you into?

Date: I love hip hop Me: Yeah me too thinking of something to say to impress her Me: Soup Dogg is my cousin

What dinosaur loves pancakes?

A: A tri-syrup-tops.

What is something a woman hates about a man but a man would love about a woman?

Premature ejactulation.

What do you call an ISIS member who loves himself?

A nISISist

Why are those two men standing in the spine of that book?

It must need Osteo-per-o-sis" Love it.

What do snakes write on the bottom of their letters?

With love and hisses.

What's the worst part of being bipolar?

The fact you love it.

What is your emergency?

Me: I love you. 911: Hang up. Me: No you hang up. 911: Stop. Me: This is so us.

What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?

I love you a ton!"

Which of the following lines will do a better job of frightening a man away?

1) Get away or I'll call the police!!! 2) I love you and want to marry you and have your children.

How does an optometrist make love?

Better like this ... or better like this

Whatever happened to the bedbugs who fell in love?

A: They got married in the spring.

Why do you love me?

Wife: *shrugs* Me: Why do you find me annoying Wife: *reveals six spreadsheets and a pie chart*

What do you call two birds in love?

Tweethearts!

What if we need to hide bodies?

Me: I love you.

What is the definition of 'making love'?

Something a woman does while a guy is f***ing her.

Why did the T-Rex's girlfriend leave him?

Because he said he only loved her this much (hold out t-rex like arms) Sorry this one requires a bit of a visual, but I thought you guys might like it

Why is Oliver North like Kraang?

They both love using the shredder.

Why did the little pig try to join the Navy?

He loved to sing "Oinkers Aweight"

Why did the man fall in love with the banana whilst on a London attraction?

Because it was a-peeling on the Eye.

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Gargle Jokes More Gargle Jokes

Whats the difference between love, ture love, and showing off?

spit, sallow, and gargle.

Whats the definition of love true love and showing off?

Spitting swallowing and gargling.

Bad Jokes More Bad Jokes

What's the worst part about dating a Japanese girl?

When you break up with her, you have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.

What's the worst part about 30 lawyers in a bus going over a cliff?

The bus could fit 30 more lawyers.

Dig Jokes More Dig Jokes

What's the difference between babies and love?

Love doesn't burn. What's worst part about making love to a dead baby. Digging up the coffin. How long does take to play hide and seek with a dead baby? It depends how small the pieces are.

Why is the archaeologist depressed?

Some old stuff just got dug up

Cousin Jokes More Cousin Jokes

What did the two rednecks say after breaking up?

Let's just be cousins.

What did the redneck say to his ex?

Can we still be cousins?"

Tree Jokes More Tree Jokes

Who hits the ground first?

Better question would be: Why were they in the tree in the first place?

What time do Lumberjacks take their tea-break?

TREE O'clock!

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

What's the difference between a tv remote and a newborn?

You can't play football with the remote.

What do you call an actor from Alabama that is forced by contract to play a certain character in a production?

Role tied.

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

What does a dyslexic tiger and a bus driver have in common?

A bus driver can't change his stops.

How do you stop a nuclear bomb from squeaking...?

WMD40.

Swallow Jokes More Swallow Jokes

Whats the only bad thing about head from an anorexic girl?

She won't swallow

What profession did the parrot get into when it swallowed the clock?

Politics