Know Jokes

There were two Canadians and an American. They put letters in a hat and drew. They got "C-eh", "N-eh", "D-eh". The American didn't know what was going on, but he relayed the message. I know i need to work on my execution.

How did the blind skydiver know he was about to hit the ground?

He felt the slack in his dog's leash.

How do you know if hippies have been in your house?

They are still there.

How did the zebra get its stripes?

Not many people know this, but zebras arent actually born with stripes. There is actually an entire industry of people called zebra painters who go around painting black stripes on zebras. This is done so zebras arent confused with albino donkeys.

What do a gang member and a redneck have in common?

They both know how to throw a good hoe down.

How do you refer to a necessary bear?

Pandatory. Stupid, I know.

What did the bolt say to the nut?

Washer? I don't even know 'er!"

How many homeless people does it take to screw a light bulb?

does anyone know of any good jokes about homeless people.?

What is the best anti-joke you know?

Well a joke that isn't funny, but still is because it isn't. If you know what I mean. These are kind of much easier to remember.

How did the pharmacist know his drink was spiked?

He fainted after the punch line.

How do you know Jesus loves Japanese food?

Because he said he loves miso.

How many Carpathians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know, Vigo and see. (best read in Yanosh's voice)

How are your step mother and a 17 in the card game 21 similar?

You know you can't but you really want to hit it.

Who's the best person to invite over for Christmas?

Charlie Sheen. Because you know it's GUARANTEED to be a white Christmas when he's around.

Why did you cut me down, lumberjack?

Lumberjack: Oh, you really don't know why? Tree: Sorry, I'm stumped.

How do you know you're not logged into reddit?

There are posts on the frontpage

What does the zero say to the eight?

I like your belt. Ok, ok. I know it's elementary, but I still love it.

What do you get when you mix a broccoli and a melon?

The saddest vegetable known to man: a melonccoli.

How do you know if you have a high sperm count?

Your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

How do you know an engineer is an extrovert?

He stares at shoes while he talks to you.

What's the darkest joke you know?

I've always been a fan or dark humor, so, what's the darkest joke you know. no boundaries, no getting offended. please don't downvote anyone because you find it offensive, that's life, get over it.

How do you know when a guy is really in love with his girlfriend?

When he starts using condoms with other girls.

What are the most racist jokes you know?

There were 3 car accidents in Mexico 70 people died. What do you call a bunch of black people in a swimming pool? Coco puffs.

How many paranoids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Who wants to know? .... saw this joke in today's

Why was the little ink blot so unhappy?

Because his mother was in the pen, and they didn't know how long the sentence would be.

When did Anakin's Jedi Master know he was turning to the dark side?

In the Sith grade.

How do you know when the king of Egypt is horny?

From all the Pharaoh moans.

This joke may have profanity.

What kind of fish would you want to go to bed with?

A cuddlefish! (corny I know)

What's yellow and lies in a pond?

Disclaimer: I don't know how well this joke will work in english. What's yellow and lies in a pond? An excevator. You don't think this is funny? Neither does the operator.

How do you know if a guy has an asian wife?

He'll tell you.

What's the best thing about a poet in a prison?

Oh you know, it has its prose and cons. Badum Tish. Be gentle, first time here.

What does FUN stand for?

Some nights, I don't know.

How do you know if there's an athiest on a reddit thread?

Don't worry, they'll let you know.

How do you know you're getting old?

When you exit a museum, you trigger the alarm.

How many Sand People does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

No one knows. They ride single file to hide their numbers.

How do you know which bear to talk to in a bar?

You have to read ursine.

When did the Chinese man know it was time to go to the dentist?

Tooth hurty

When geese fly in a "V" formation, do you know why one side is longer than the other?

Because there are more birds on that side.

How do we know cats are communists?

All they ever say is Mao.

What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a supermodel?

Nothing if her husband knows what's good for him!

Why should you never let a non-metal drive a train?

Because they're poor conductors! (I know they're called Engineers but cut me some slack, I thought of this in the 9th grade.)

Why do fluorescent lights hum?

Because they don't know the words.

What's the difference between LinkedIn and McDonald's?

McDonald's knows how to use salt

What's the difference between toilet paper and shower curtains?

If you answered "I don't know." I would like to tell you that I spent all day cleaning that mess up.

What is the best animal related joke you know?

These jokes should be any jokes that are even vaguely related to animals!

How do we know that Batman is black?

He can't go anywhere without Robin'

Which is your favorite Monty Python Joke?

Of course, there's , but here goes mine: ...and that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana shaped. This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. Explain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.