Muslim Jokes

What do Muslim men do while foreplay?

Tickle the goat under it's chin.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Coffee Mug

Why don't Muslims support Harambe?

Because it would

Why does KFC only sell christian chicken?

Because the muslim ones are on the no-fry list.

Where do Muslim people go when they die?

Everywhere

What's the difference between a stoner and a Muslim?

When stoners are smoking, they don't explode.

How do the Muslims like their eggs cooked?

Sunni side up. I know this is a Shiite joke.

Why do drug dealers love muslim people?

Because they always get stoned

What Did The Muslim Terminator Say?

Allah Be Back.

Why shouldn't you give Muslim Women drugs?

They'll get stoned. (Ba-dum tss)

What do you call Muslims at the end of their religious service?

Mosquitoes

What do you call the cool, terroristy Muslims?

Radical Islam

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Coffee Mug

Why do Muslim women not say amen?

Cause they say awoman.

How do Muslims laugh?

Muahahahamed Note: I don't have any prejudices against Islamic people.

What did the muslim say to the other muslim when they were surfing?

That was radical!

How does a muslim man close a door?

Islams it!

How does an angry Muslim close the door?

Islams It.

Why did the French police arrested the Muslim teenager?

Because he was trying to detonate a Samsung Note 7.

What do you call a trio of Muslims?

The Three Mosqueteers.

What do you call a Muslim trainer's Pokmon?

Voltorb

Why did the Muslim cross the road?

To get to the bigger crowd

Why do Muslims love shopping at Ross?

Because they can dress foreless.

Why are Muslim countries are banning PokemonGo?

Because Allah likes digimon

Whats the difference between a Christian and a Muslim?

One blows up kids, the other gets blown by them.

What do you call a drunk muslim woman?

Stoned.

What does a muslim say when he makes a mistake?

Allahu Mybad

What's a Muslim's favorite TV show?

It's always sunni in Philadelphia

What U.S. state was founded by Muslims?

Allah-bama

What did the muslim telemarketer say when he picked up the phone?

Halal?

How do you say hi to a Muslim in Hawaii?

Aloha Akbar.

How does a muslim close a door?

Islams it.

How did the muslim get cancer?

By smoking a lot of fags.

What does the Muslim ghost say?

Boom.

What did Muslim sonic say on June 5?

Gotta go fasting! LOL

What is a Muslim womans favorite amendment?

The second (right to bare arms)

What famous hotel chain do muslims prefer when travelling on religious holidays?

Ramadamadan.

How many muslims does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Sorry comments are unavailable on this joke.

Whats a Muslims favorite cologne?

GERMANY!!!!

Why aren't there any Muslim feminists?

Pork is haram

What is the difference between a Muslim baby and a Christian baby?

Their parents.

What is the only alcoholic beverage Muslim extremists are permitted to drink?

Smirnoff ISIS

What did the muslim man say when he arrived at his resort in Hawaii?

Aloha Snackbar!

What do you call a muslim body builder?

A protein sheikh

Why was the Muslim sad when he bought a pirated disc?

Because the Disc was cracked

Why are Muslims so violent?

Because I slam.

Why would the Holocaust have failed if the victims were Islamic?

Because it would have been impossible to get a Muslim to take a shower.

What do you call a surfer who loves Muhammad?

A radicalized Muslim braaaaaaaaaaaaaa

What did the Muslim bring to the Holiday party?

Falafel and hummus.

What happens when you are banned on a muslim server?

you are turbanned

How do you blow up a Muslim's phone?

Put it into airplane mode

Why did the muslim with a toothache go to the airport?

For a free cavity search.

Why did the Muslim fail his Chemistry Exam ?

because to him, alcohol is not a solution.

What do you call a Muslim Girl dating an Agnostic Guy?

For safety purposes, I don't know if I should tell you her name..

How many muslims does it take to climb a building?

daesh many.

What is one thing you never say to a Muslim?

Share ya laws.

What's the difference between a radical and a moderate Muslim?

A radical Muslim wants to cut your head off, but a moderate Muslim the radical Muslim to cut your head off. Bye.

What do you call a Muslim organization that rejects Muhammed?

A non-prophet

What is a Muslims favorite type of vinegar?

BalIslamic

How do Muslim women get wrinkles off their faces?

Fabric softener.

What time is it when a Muslim immigrant brings a clock to school in Texas?

Time to get a new principal.

What is the name of Turkey's most beloved actor?

Muslim Bale

What do you yell at a Muslim striptease?

Show me your nose!"

What's a Muslims favourite animal?

Its Lamb

What do you call a Muslim standing between two buildings?

Ali

What did the Muslim Sonic say?

Gotta go fast.

What do you call a Muslim slug?

A snail...

What does a Muslim redneck wear?

A murka

Where do Muslims go after their Friday prayer?

To the Allahu Akbar

What do you call a baby Muslim?

A hand grenade.

Which university has the most muslims?

SUNY

What do you call it when Muslim men play naked twister?

Dinner entertainment at Guantanamo Bay

What do you call a surfing Muslim extremist?

Radical.

What do you call a Muslim basketball player's best move?

Islam Dunk

Where do Muslims go on a weekend?

To Mecca Bingo.

What do you call a Muslim who is notoriously late for everything?

9/12

What is a Muslim baby's first word?

Revenge!"

Where did the Muslim go for his sandwich?

Aaaaaaaaallah Snackbar.

What do you call a muslim, jackie gleason impersonator?

Muhammed muhammed muhammena.

Where can Sihks and Muslims buy headwear?

Turban Outfitters.

What do you call a Muslim woman wearing oculur rift or a VR headset?

Stealth Bomber

What do you call a muslim who graduated?

Allah-mni!

What is a Muslim who works at Starbucks called?

A Terrista

Where does a Muslim go for a quick bite?

Allahu Snackbar!

Why do Muslim extremists prefer to drink cappuccino?

Because they hate french press.

Why did the Muslim CEO dislike the cartoon of Muhammad?

Because it wasn't prophet maximizing.

What do you call a Muslim pilot?

An Airrab.

What is a Muslim's Favorite Dinosaur???

Allahsaurus!

What did one Muslim say to another in a supermarket?

Nothing very interesting, they are both completely ordinary members of society who should not be judged based on their ethnic background and skin colour... ...And then the building exploded.

Why dont Muslims play Dota?

Because techies respawns

What do you call a bunch of wealthy muslims?

Ballah ballah ballah ballah ballah

What do you call a rich muslim god?

Ballah

Why are Muslims so good at driving at night?

Because that's when they brake fast.

Why don't Muslims fill out online forms?

Because they refuse to Submit to anyone but Allah.

What do you call a drunken Muslim?

A: Mohammered.

What do you call a muslim in the 90's?

Radical

What do you call a boring Muslim?

Abdull.

How did a Chinese spy disguise himself as an Arab in America?

He became a Muslim.

What do you call a muslim crocodile?

An Allahgator!

What do you call a Muslim cowboy?

Dirty hairy.

What do you call a drunk muslim?

Hammad. What do you call a VERY drunk Muslim? Mohammad.

How do you know if a Muslim is laughing online?

He types, "HALOL"

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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby I'll check on that.

How many chickens does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Who gives a cluck (I wonder if the moderators will censor this joke merely on the grounds that it is categorically terrible )

Allow Jokes More Allow Jokes

Why parents don't allow their children to listen to M. Jackson songs?

because they are very touching

What word allows you to take away two letters and get one?

Stone.

Sell Jokes More Sell Jokes

What's the fastest way to make money as a guitarist?

By selling your guitar.

Why did George Lucas Cross The Road?

To urinate on my childhood and sell it back to be on blu-ray for $80.

Chin Jokes More Chin Jokes

What experience do you have plucking chickens?

Me: See all those hairs on my chin No. Me: Exactly.

What do Muslim men do while foreplay?

Tickle the goat under it's chin.

Sunni Jokes More Sunni Jokes

Why can't Shia Joe travel in eastern Pennsylvania?

Because it's always Sunni in Philadelphia.

How do you tell the difference between a Sunni and a Shiite Muslim?

The Sunni's are the ones with the Shiite blown out of them.

Allah Jokes More Allah Jokes

Why are Muslim countries are banning PokemonGo?

Because Allah likes digimon

What Did The Muslim Terminator Say?

Allah Be Back.

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many sound guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, two... One, two.

What do Hillary and Bill have in common?

Both got screwed out of office

Ba Dum Tss Jokes More Ba Dum Tss Jokes

What do you call it when a cat gets angry?

A hissy fit. ba dum tss.

How did Michael Jackson pick his nose?

From a catalogue. ba dum tss