Want Jokes

Why did the lady tell her doctor she had breast cancer?

Because she wanted to get it off her chest.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why did Mitt Romney feed his cows money?

A: He wanted rich milk.

What did you do before you were married sir?

A: *with teary eyes* whatever the hell i wanted to do ...

What's blue, standing in the kitchen?

STFU, I can paint my wife any colour I want!

How are women like snow?

They seem really cool at first but then you're sick of them after a couple days and no one wants to be driving when they're on the road

How 'done' do you want your burger?

I can do "well-done" all the way to "CPR might actually work."

Which of my girlfriends do you think is the prettiest?

What I actually heard was "Do you want a fight "

Why did Walt Disney visit a mechanic?

He wanted to get his Car tuned

Why did your sister jump out the window ?

Because she wanted to try out her new spring suit

Why did Hydrogen hurt Iron?

Because he wanted to see him Sulfur.

Why don't emus ever finish all the food on their plates?

They don't want to be ostrich-sized!

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why did the dyslexic escapologist join the International Socialists?

A. because he wanted to help untie the human race.

What did my wife say to me?

I want a divorce

Where do you want to go?

So I click on the 'Home' icon and it starts all over again.

How do you want to handle your mother in law?

Do you want her incinerated, embalmed or buried -All of them, lets not take any chances

Why did the man tear a page out of the calendar?

He wanted to take a month off.

What does a suicidal person say while leaving a party?

I want to hang by myself for a bit. Edit: Not suicidal. Just gallows humor.

Why didn't the cargo ship want to leave the bay?

Because it was a freight!

Why did the burglar take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway

Why was Princess Peach worried when Mario wanted to use her laptop?

She forgot to delete her Bowser history

Why did Sherlock Holmes not want a second cup of tea in the emergency room?

Because it was More ER Tea.

What if the Bible had a major typo and the Devil was really after our SOIL?

Maybe he just wants to grow some pot plants.

What do you want to do before you tickle someone?

Test-tickles

Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space ?

He wanted to find Pluto !

What did the toaster say to the bread?

I want you inside me.

Why did the old lady put wheels on her rocking chair?

A: She wanted to rock and roll

When does a horse neigh?

Whinny wants to!

Why doesn't Kermit the Frog like elephants ?

They always want to play leap frog with him

What word that begins with "N" and ends with "R" do you never want to call a black person?

Neighbor

Who never wants to be drawn at a raffle?

Mohammed

Why did the boy put candles on the toilet?

He wanted to have a birthday potty!

Why did the sheep jump into the lake?

A: He wanted to take a ba-a-a-th.

Why did the burgler take a bath?

He wanted to have a 'clean getaway'.

Why did the pirate put springs on his treasure chest?

He wanted to see that booty bounce.

What do you call an antelope that wants a big wedding?

Cantelope

What word starts with N and ends with R and you never want to call a black person?

Neighbor

What's the different between E.T. and a refugee?

E.T. learned English and wanted to go home

Why did the astronomer hit himself on the head in the afternoon?

He wanted to see stars during the day.

Why did your sister cut a hole in her new umbrella ?

Because she wanted to be able to tell when it stopped raining.

What do you want for Christmas?

Me: a dragon! Santa: noo, be realistic Me: a girlfriend Santa: * cough * what color do you want your girlfriend

What does Garry Newman want to be when he grows up?

Garry Oldman.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Alabama?

Everyone has the same DNA.

Why was the man intently watching the bowl of snickers?

He wanted to see who would have the last laugh. back to work...

What do you want to be when you graduate high school?

No more than 25" from Gary Muledeer

Who should you pray to if you don't want the airplane that you are on to get diverted?

Diversion Mary

Why did the girl sit on her watch?

She wanted to be on time.

Why are they using two ply toilet paper in Russia?

Because authorities want a carbon copy of all matters.

Why did the bully go to beauty school?

A: She wanted to tease hair

Why are we at the vet?

Me: So our pig can't have babies 6: How do you know she doesn't want babies Me:*looks at my kids* Just a hunch

What did C say to E?

She wants the D.

What word starts with N and ends with R and you never want to call a black guy?

Neighbor

What did the vulture say when the airline agent asked if he wanted to check his luggage?

No, thanks, it's just carrion...

Why do laxatives always say 'Works gently, overnight'?

What if I want something that works violently right now "

What did Sherlock ask his friend when he wanted to know what they were having for dinner?

Watson the menu

Why did the engineer put a clock under his desk?

A: He wanted to work overtime.

What do crack addicts sing while caroling?

All I Want for Christmas is my two front teeth!

Why are British anti-smoking PSA's often made by homophobes?

Because they want to prevent people from bumming fags

Why do women always say they want a man with a stable job?

What's so glamorous about cleaning up after horses

What is the worst thing you want to hear from a doctor giving you a prostate exam?

Look ma, no hands!"

What did the World Chess Champion ask Michael Jackson?

Do you want to be black, or white

What does a girl want more than anything?

Nothing. She is fine.

What do you call a drill on the North Pole that just wants to get to know people?

An icebreaker

Why did batman fill his freezer with water bottles?

Because he wanted just ice.

What do you call a green man sitting on my porch?

My n*gger and I'll paint him whatever color I want.

What are your expectations?

Me : Job. Interviewer : I mean what do you want from this job Me : Salary

Why did the balloon go near the needle?

Why did the balloon go near the needle He wanted to be a pop star.

Why did the Yield Sign want to divorce the Stop Sign?

He caught her in a 4-way

Why did the blonde make love in the microwave?

A: She wanted to have a baby in 9 minutes.

What do you want for breakfast?

Kids: EGGS! BACON! WAFFLES! CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES! Me: Let me rephrase. Who wants toast

What does DJ Kahled say when he wants another taco?

Another, Juan

What do little pigs want to be when they grow up?

Garbage collectors.

Why should you never invite a pig to join your tug-of-war team?

Pigs want to be pulled through the mudhole.

What does Stevie Wonder call his money?

Wonderbread. Anyone want to be my friend

When I see a "How am I driving?

sticker, I want to take the driver in my arms and tell them that I too have questions about my existence

Why doesn't your menu list prices?

Waiter: We didn't want to make you sick before the food does.

Why did the toilet want to start a rebellion?

Because he was a slave to the cistern!

What did the band Weezer say about the nudist beach?

All the mammaries made me want to go back there!

Why did a scientist disconnect his doorbell?

because he wanted to win the No-bell prize!! Sorry, I ll walk out

Why bother drinking water?

You're just gonna pee it out. This is what Big Water doesn't want you to know.

What's the most popular red wine?

We want our land back!!

What does a guy want more than anything in the world?

It doesn't matter. He has to ask his wife first.

What do you call a stegosaurus with carrots in its ears?

Anything you want to - it can't here you!

What do you call a movie producer that gives you more detail than you really wanted?

TMI Burton.

What's the difference between my daughter and my driveway?

I don't want to plow my driveway

How much longer?

Did you bring any snacks They want $5 for M&M's! I wanna go home Is it over yet - me watching my kids Christmas pageant

Why did the Ape jump off the building?

He wanted to show the world the stuff he was made of!

When O. J. Simpson's kids wanted to go out and play, what did he tell them?

Go axe your mother."

What can a yakuza do for living when he doesn't want to hurt people?

tattoo master

What do you call a hump-backed cow that always wants to be the center of attention?

A drama-dairy.

Why did the dog go into the water?

Because he didn't want to be a hot dog.

Why did Frankenstein's monster give up boxing?

Because he didn't want to spoil his looks.

Why do single men live longer than married men?

Because they want to.

Why is Sia not in her music videos?

Because she doesn't want anyone to Sia

Why is fruit so expensive?

I want some raspberries, not the tears of Jesus.

Why did the blonde have a hysterectomy?

A: She wanted to stop having grandchildren.

What kind of bug wants to buy lawn turf?

A gras shopper.

Why do dogs chase their tails?

A: They want to make ends meet.

What the hell are you going to do with 30 dollars?

Why do you want 10 dollars

Why did the kid steal the fan?

He wanted to be cool.

Who's there ! Aladdin ! Aladdin who ?

Aladdin the street wants a word with you !

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